1 00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:21,831 For one thoUsand centUries... 2 00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:27,003 the Falafel family has ruled the deserts with one thing: 3 00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:28,754 Speed 4 00:01:29,046 --> 00:01:33,342 We have the fastest camels and the fastest horses! 5 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:36,304 Now, dUe to... 6 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:40,016 ...you know what... 7 00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:44,729 ...we have the fastest planes... 8 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:48,316 ...the fastest boats and the fastest cars! 9 00:01:48,482 --> 00:01:50,860 Except for one: yours 10 00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:56,032 Last year I sent yoU to America for one simple task. 11 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,825 So simple. 12 00:01:57,908 --> 00:02:02,246 To emblazon the Falafel name as the fastest in the world 13 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:06,125 by winning the Cannonball Run. 14 00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:09,754 And yoU ... failed! 15 00:02:11,672 --> 00:02:14,884 A thousand thanks! - But Lion of the deserts... 16 00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:17,261 ...King of Kings... 17 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:23,142 ...Pop! - No excUses, you son of my ugliest wife 18 00:02:26,395 --> 00:02:28,648 A thousand thanks! 19 00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:38,616 How come you have a blond, blue-eyed slave, hm? 20 00:02:40,284 --> 00:02:44,038 He's an actor. Hasn't had a series in seven years. 21 00:02:44,121 --> 00:02:46,666 Nine 22 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:53,047 Two thoUsand thanks - I know I didn't win, Pop. 23 00:02:53,255 --> 00:02:56,258 I was sick. My ulcer... 24 00:02:56,342 --> 00:03:00,262 I order yoU back to America... 25 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,641 ...to win the Cannonball RUn 26 00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:06,727 I give yoU one last chance, because... 27 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,147 ...you are my only son with a driver's Iicense. 28 00:03:10,272 --> 00:03:14,527 BUt Pop, there is no Cannonball Run this year. - So? 29 00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:20,074 BUy one. - Of course! 30 00:03:41,303 --> 00:03:45,725 Couple of wise guys behind us. - Slow down. Let's see how ballsy they are. 31 00:03:47,309 --> 00:03:53,232 Wow What a coUple of great-Iooking chicks - So much for boredom! - Let's nail 'em! 32 00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:56,754 Wise broads. - They can't oUtrun the radio. 33 00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:00,007 Charlie, you got one heading yoUr way. You'll see it in about three minutes. 34 00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:04,011 You're three minUtes are up! Man, a coUple of great-Iooking chicks! 35 00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:20,861 Road's straight as an arrow. I can see for five miles. Wonder where they are? 36 00:05:20,986 --> 00:05:25,574 Don't panic. JUst watch the side roads for dUst. No way they can shake us. 37 00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:38,504 You heard me? I think we lost 'em. - How can you lose a white Lamborghini 38 00:05:38,587 --> 00:05:44,176 with two chicks in the middle of nowhere? - What is this? A Uiz? We lost 'em, okay? 39 00:05:44,301 --> 00:05:47,763 Haha. I jUst foUnd 'em, son. This here's the end of the hunt. 40 00:05:47,888 --> 00:05:49,598 Good lUck, buddy 41 00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:57,565 FigUre, they gotta be between Us. JUst pUII out and block the damn' road. 42 00:05:58,774 --> 00:06:01,819 You got any other bright ideas? 43 00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:25,092 I'm eastbound in pursUit of a white Lamborghini. 44 00:06:25,175 --> 00:06:27,845 This is not a recording. 45 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:53,871 Hey, thanks for the hose job! 46 00:07:09,511 --> 00:07:12,765 If I tell yoU boys something, yoU won't think I've been drinking, will ya? 47 00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:17,478 The white Lamborghini is vanished, but there's a red one behind me honking its horn. 48 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:22,274 Correction It's passing me, and it's got two great-Iooking chicks in it 49 00:07:44,254 --> 00:07:48,759 You know Marcie, we've got this routine down. - Yeah, I think we're ready for the Cannonball. 50 00:07:48,884 --> 00:07:51,637 Oh yeah, I think so. How far is Redondo Beach? 51 00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:54,765 150 miles. - Hm, an hour flat. 52 00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:57,559 What are we waiting for? Let's go! 53 00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:31,844 Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the fifth annual Madera air show. 54 00:08:32,052 --> 00:08:36,765 The greatest, most sensational gathering of stunt pilots and daredevils in the US. 55 00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:40,728 Displays of flying and coUrage like you've never seen before... 56 00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:43,814 ...concluding with the most death-defying stUnt of them all: 57 00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:47,568 The human Bomb So grab yoUr kids, grab yoUr hats. 58 00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:50,612 The festivities will begin shortly 59 00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:59,163 Are yoU sUre this is a good idea, J .J.? 60 00:09:00,372 --> 00:09:02,541 A good idea? 61 00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:05,586 We're gonna get so rich. - Rich? - Rich! 62 00:09:05,794 --> 00:09:09,506 We're gonna split everything 50I50 right down the middle. We're partners 63 00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:12,760 Partners? - YoU bet. We're friends, aren't we? - Partners and friends. 64 00:09:12,801 --> 00:09:16,388 And we're gonna be rich. - Rich partners and friends. - That's right! 65 00:09:17,264 --> 00:09:20,559 What if something goes wrong? - What could go wrong? 66 00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:25,773 We've got the ace dive bomber pilot from World War I I. 67 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:29,276 Dive bomber? - Oh yeah. He'll let you go right oUt of the plane... 68 00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:33,155 ...with this. And you'll go right through that target. - Target? - Right throUgh... 69 00:09:33,363 --> 00:09:35,908 ...and into a net, strong net... - Net? 70 00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:39,787 And if you go through the net, then you'll land in some hay. I mean, so mUch hay 71 00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:43,624 you coUId feed all the cattle in Texas. - What am I worried about? 72 00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:46,835 Nothing! Are yoU crazy? - I'm so glad yoU're IaUghing. 73 00:09:47,002 --> 00:09:51,673 He can't miss! He can't miss I bless yoU. You will not miss. 74 00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:55,052 J .J., I'm still scared. - YoU're still scared? - Yeah. 75 00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:59,389 Well, if you're scared, you coUId always have "him" do it. 76 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:03,644 "Him" doesn't come Unless there's grave danger to hUman life. 77 00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,313 Right... 78 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,900 You oughta call "him". 79 00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:15,364 Hello, this is Jack Smith. 80 00:10:15,864 --> 00:10:20,160 We've broUght our cameras to record for our 30 million viewers a vintage dive bomber, 81 00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:24,289 flying on a simUIated attack run, drop a human bomb. 82 00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:27,751 A man encased in steel, risking life and limb, 83 00:10:27,876 --> 00:10:30,921 hurtling to the groUnd at 140 miles per hour! 84 00:10:31,046 --> 00:10:33,924 Now, this is a man of sUch great coUrage 85 00:10:34,049 --> 00:10:36,343 that he's destined to become a household name. 86 00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:39,179 He'll be besieged for autographs, 87 00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:42,516 his pictUre will be on magazine covers all over the world. 88 00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:45,644 Millions of adoring women will be at his feet. 89 00:10:45,727 --> 00:10:48,564 He's boUnd to become a national celebrity. 90 00:10:53,318 --> 00:10:55,279 Oh, shit... 91 00:10:57,781 --> 00:11:01,660 J .J. Long time no see - Nice to see you, Captain Chaos. 92 00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:06,248 Listen, I'd like to take yoUr place in the bomb. - Have no fear. "Him" is here. 93 00:11:06,331 --> 00:11:09,376 It'd make me very happy. - YoU want it? - Yes. - You got it. 94 00:11:09,918 --> 00:11:12,754 Thank you. - Suck in - Okay. 95 00:11:13,755 --> 00:11:15,007 What a gUy 96 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:26,518 Give me a D, give me a D, give me a D-E-U , 97 00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:30,022 give me a T, give me a T, T- S-C-H. 98 00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:33,400 Yea, Deutschland! Listen... 99 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,612 You think yoU might like a beer? - Hey! 100 00:11:37,487 --> 00:11:41,033 Hey - DeUtschland, DeUtschland. .. - I want outta here! 101 00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:43,994 You asked for it! 102 00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:56,131 Here he comes, folks.. . Here he is... 103 00:11:56,256 --> 00:11:59,051 One of the most dangeroUs stunts we've ever had performed in Madera. 104 00:12:02,512 --> 00:12:06,099 On his final approach... This has to be perfect the first time aroUnd. 105 00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:36,171 That's my partner. What a team! 106 00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:39,758 The crash trUcks are on their way. We'll have word on his condition in a minute. 107 00:12:39,841 --> 00:12:42,636 What a pilot What a pilot! Are yoU okay? 108 00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:46,265 Oh my goodness, did yoU see that? Wasn't that fantastic? 109 00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:49,351 I'm so terrifically happy.. . - Oh, shUt Up and get me oUtta here! 110 00:12:49,476 --> 00:12:51,728 Did yoU hear the crowd? We were terrific! - Get me out! 111 00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:55,607 I can jUst see Us on PEOPLE magazine. We're gonna be a big hit! 112 00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:58,318 J .J., you seem a little shorter! 113 00:12:58,777 --> 00:13:02,489 J .J., are yoU okay? YoU know something? I figUred it out. - Yeah? 114 00:13:02,572 --> 00:13:05,534 If we do this ten times a day. .. - Yeah? -. .. by the end of the year 115 00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,911 we're gonna be billionaires 116 00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:11,248 What is that? - Oh don't worry about that. It's the Cannonball Race. 117 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:15,294 It's on again. A million dollars' the prize. Don't worry. We're gonna be billionaires. 118 00:13:18,171 --> 00:13:21,675 What did I say? - YoU want me to do this ten times a day? 119 00:13:22,175 --> 00:13:23,760 Nine? 120 00:13:24,886 --> 00:13:27,389 What a groUch! 121 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:38,984 I asked you to come here out of respect for the family. 122 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:42,904 In the past, the Cannelloni family 123 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:48,076 was the richest and most powertul family of all the families. 124 00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:53,415 We controlled drUgs, prostitution, extortion, 125 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:57,753 prostitution, gambling. .. - Eh. 126 00:13:58,086 --> 00:14:00,922 You said "prostitution" twice. 127 00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:03,800 Well, I like it. And now... 128 00:14:04,259 --> 00:14:08,513 ...the Rigatonis, the Tortellinis, the Fettucinis... 129 00:14:09,097 --> 00:14:12,726 ...and even the Raviolis are bigger than we are. 130 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:15,354 And why? 131 00:14:15,979 --> 00:14:21,985 High interest rates? - Acid rain? - Japanese imports? 132 00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:29,743 None of the above. 133 00:14:30,535 --> 00:14:33,413 No... No... No. 134 00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,540 You I'm not even gonna answer. 135 00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:40,128 Gee boss, if I knew there was gonna be a test I. .. I woUId have stUdied. 136 00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:44,383 When I passed on the powers of the Don... 137 00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:47,010 ...to my son Don, 138 00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:50,055 making him Don Don, 139 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:52,391 I had high hopes for him. 140 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:57,312 And what has he done? He has only brought us disgrace... 141 00:14:57,562 --> 00:14:59,731 ...and shame. 142 00:15:02,025 --> 00:15:04,069 Wait a minute... 143 00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:09,032 This cat is dead. 144 00:15:10,867 --> 00:15:13,578 Get me a new cat. 145 00:15:16,998 --> 00:15:18,750 Oh God... 146 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:22,003 The cat coUId have been a contender. 147 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,589 I should have thought. .. Thank you. 148 00:15:26,007 --> 00:15:29,136 It's a tabby. Very nice. 149 00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:33,265 It's a boy. 150 00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:42,482 Boys, go to Vegas. Lean on Don. 151 00:15:43,650 --> 00:15:47,737 Don Don. - Hm? - We're here to straighten out your affairs. 152 00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:51,032 What are your assets? 153 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:56,163 Well, I'm good-natUred and I dress well. And some people think... 154 00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:02,294 What about yoUr Iiabilities? - Well, there is... 155 00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,754 ...one small Iiability. 156 00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:06,089 What? 157 00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:09,384 Well... I coUId use a tUmmy tUck. 158 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,179 A tummy tuck? A tUmmy tuck?! 159 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:17,142 I'll kill him... I'll kill him. - Calm yourself. - I'll kill him. 160 00:16:18,226 --> 00:16:22,022 Don Don, do you have any outstanding markers? 161 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:25,484 Look in the in-box. - Look in the in-box. 162 00:16:27,819 --> 00:16:32,240 30,000... It's not too outstanding, but it's a start. 163 00:16:34,409 --> 00:16:38,371 Fenderbaum? - Hm . - FenderbaUm ... 164 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:47,255 You better call Jim and tell him where his car is. - Me? I called last time. YoU call Jim. 165 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:55,514 Well, hi there! - Hi Could I help yoU girls? 166 00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:59,726 This thing's stUck. - Oh yeah. Yeah. 167 00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:03,813 Take a hike, Mike. - Yeah, get lost. 168 00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:12,989 Ugh. What a jerk! - Okay. What are we gonna do? Marcie, hey. 169 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,993 Hey, honey. Right here, yeah. Come on here, baby. 170 00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:19,162 Hi, sUgar. 171 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:25,293 You girls all right? - CoUId be. 172 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:28,046 This is a beauty. Doesn't soUnd stock. 173 00:17:28,255 --> 00:17:32,509 It isn't. I took the six oUt and shoe-horned in a 363 hemi. 174 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:36,012 It's hot, baby. - Hey, yoU got room for two more? 175 00:17:37,597 --> 00:17:41,309 I'm Marcie. - Yeah, and I'm Jill. - I'm George. - Let's go, Georgie. 176 00:17:45,855 --> 00:17:49,484 L.A. Tower to Japan cargo. Report to hangar three. 177 00:17:49,609 --> 00:17:51,528 Roger, Tower. 178 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:56,032 No lUck. They want Us in cUstoms. They'll impound yoUr car for two days. 179 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:59,369 That means, yoU're gonna miss the race. What do yoU want to do? 180 00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:02,747 Okay, down - Okay. 181 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,500 Change of plans. YoU're bailing oUt. 182 00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,546 BUtton Up! - Roger. 183 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:14,342 Battle stations! 184 00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,676 Okay, make us invisible. 185 00:19:41,596 --> 00:19:45,392 I know yoU're in there, Blake. I can hear the ice cUbes. 186 00:19:45,725 --> 00:19:48,895 This is me, Fenderbaum. So open Up 187 00:19:51,981 --> 00:19:54,275 Blake, I know yoU're in there! 188 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:13,753 The Candy Man can. 189 00:20:19,634 --> 00:20:24,097 Everybody loves somebody, sometime... 190 00:20:27,475 --> 00:20:30,812 When I make a dry martini, I make a dry martini. 191 00:20:36,901 --> 00:20:40,321 There's somebody at the window. - That's jUst the window cleaner. 192 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:46,369 Honey, who is it? - I don't know. There's nobody there. 193 00:20:46,786 --> 00:20:47,996 Blake 194 00:20:49,372 --> 00:20:54,127 Open Up the window - I'll be back in a minUte. Don't go away. 195 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,756 I'm gonna kill him. 196 00:20:59,507 --> 00:21:02,844 There's nothing out here. - Blake Down here! 197 00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:08,975 I don't care what it is. Not now! 198 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:11,227 BUt I gotta talk to yoU now. 199 00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:13,521 You gotta? - Yes. 200 00:21:20,403 --> 00:21:24,032 Do yoU know that I'm eighteen stories above the groUnd? Eighteen! 201 00:21:24,115 --> 00:21:26,242 Eighteen? - Yes, eighteen 202 00:21:30,246 --> 00:21:32,040 Eighteen? 203 00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:42,258 You know yoU're the tallest short gUy I've ever seen? 204 00:21:44,010 --> 00:21:47,680 Read this, will yoU? Just read that. That's from the Sheik. 205 00:21:48,014 --> 00:21:50,975 They're gonna start the Cannonball again. And the sheik's pUtting up 206 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:56,147 $1 million to the winner. And yoU know who the winner will be? $1 million 207 00:21:56,815 --> 00:22:00,026 Take it easy now. No, don't come out. 208 00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:02,654 I'll come in. - Blake? 209 00:22:05,031 --> 00:22:08,743 Where are yoU going? - I gotta do it. It's a million dollars. 210 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,287 You creep! 211 00:22:13,164 --> 00:22:18,002 Where did you get the scaffold? - HUh? I thought this was the elevator. 212 00:22:32,475 --> 00:22:34,811 I see yoU got my telegram, Doctor. 213 00:22:35,895 --> 00:22:38,773 Was that that yellow thing with the printing on it? 214 00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:42,735 Yes. - I got that, yes. I read that. It's uhm... 215 00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:45,655 It was... What does it say? 216 00:22:46,823 --> 00:22:49,576 It said I wish to employ yoUr services 217 00:22:49,742 --> 00:22:53,162 to take care of my royal ulcer during the Cannonball Run. 218 00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:56,875 Do yoU know mUch about ulcers? 219 00:22:56,875 --> 00:23:00,503 Proctology's my specialty. 220 00:23:00,837 --> 00:23:03,172 I'm very probably... 221 00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:07,093 ...the world's most famous expert on UIcers. 222 00:23:08,553 --> 00:23:12,891 I should probably give yoU an examination right now. Open Up there. 223 00:23:17,562 --> 00:23:21,232 I sterilized it. Before we go any further... 224 00:23:22,650 --> 00:23:26,779 There's the matter of my fee. We should discuss my fee... 225 00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:32,994 It's... just aboUt that amoUnt. 226 00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:39,542 Hey, wait a minUte. You gonna drink milk? - Yeah. 227 00:23:39,667 --> 00:23:42,503 Aren't you afraid it's gonna cUrdle when it hits your liver? 228 00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:45,256 My Iiver died last year. 229 00:23:46,633 --> 00:23:51,512 Can I help you? -? - Anybody aroUnd here speak Oriental? 230 00:23:54,515 --> 00:23:57,810 SUre. One sake coming up. 231 00:24:02,982 --> 00:24:06,736 What he said was: "BIackjack and water" 232 00:24:07,737 --> 00:24:09,489 Now 233 00:24:11,282 --> 00:24:14,077 You got it? - Yes Sir. Coming right Up. 234 00:24:15,995 --> 00:24:20,249 We'll get a nice big bottle of champagne, and then we'll go up to my place. 235 00:24:20,416 --> 00:24:22,835 Father, what are yoU saying? 236 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,589 Didn't yoU ever see THORnBIRDS? 237 00:24:28,591 --> 00:24:32,345 Hey pal, I'll never get laid in this outfit. 238 00:24:32,512 --> 00:24:36,015 From now on, I'm gonna wear nothing but open collars. 239 00:24:36,516 --> 00:24:40,728 No man can Iive by bread alone. - I can. I love bread. 240 00:24:40,770 --> 00:24:44,357 You know, my favorite is a Parker House roll. It just is so nice. 241 00:24:44,482 --> 00:24:47,902 And then the RUssian rye. YoU know, there's so many raisins in it that... 242 00:24:48,403 --> 00:24:51,489 I'm not talking aboUt that. - O... Okay. 243 00:24:51,781 --> 00:24:54,659 I'm talking about women. - Women? - Women. 244 00:24:54,867 --> 00:24:59,414 I want a girl that's sensitive and vUInerable. I really... I need a girl. 245 00:24:59,872 --> 00:25:02,917 Yeah! Me too. - You? 246 00:25:03,042 --> 00:25:07,839 SUre. Hey J.J. , I'm not a eunuch, you know? - Of coUrse yoU're not a eUnUch. 247 00:25:07,922 --> 00:25:10,383 Don't pUt yourself down like that. 248 00:25:10,508 --> 00:25:13,511 You have a striking resemblance to a eUnUch, but you... 249 00:25:14,512 --> 00:25:18,016 I'm jUst kidding. You want a girl? You can have one of my girls. 250 00:25:18,099 --> 00:25:21,394 I coUIdn't take one of your girls. - Oh, yoU can. - Well, maybe jUst one. 251 00:25:21,561 --> 00:25:23,354 To clear up my complexion. 252 00:25:26,024 --> 00:25:29,235 So tomorrow... - Tomorrow. - ... we tUrn over a new Ieaf. - A new leaf. 253 00:25:29,527 --> 00:25:32,405 Up and clean! - Up and clean. 254 00:25:35,491 --> 00:25:37,994 And tonight... down and dirty. 255 00:25:40,121 --> 00:25:43,541 Hi J.J .! - Hi Are yoU gUys doing anything tonight? 256 00:25:43,624 --> 00:25:47,420 Not now. - Let's go somewhere and talk about cUstoms and camshafts. 257 00:25:47,503 --> 00:25:49,756 Coming, J .J. 258 00:26:05,605 --> 00:26:09,400 Do we still owe Don Don $30,000? 259 00:26:10,068 --> 00:26:12,278 Did yoU pay him? - No. 260 00:26:12,612 --> 00:26:15,031 Well, then we still owe him $30,000 261 00:26:16,574 --> 00:26:19,619 Well, one of his collection men came to collect it. 262 00:26:19,827 --> 00:26:23,831 Wh... wh... where? - He's at the front door, but don't look. 263 00:26:25,833 --> 00:26:28,503 I said don't look 264 00:26:28,753 --> 00:26:32,131 If he's at the front door, we'll go out the back door, 265 00:26:32,256 --> 00:26:35,259 since he can't be at two places at one time, right? 266 00:26:35,510 --> 00:26:38,429 That's a good suggestion. - Split city. 267 00:26:41,265 --> 00:26:44,268 We're gonna die. - Aye. 268 00:26:48,147 --> 00:26:52,068 What are they gonna do to us? - Don't know what they're gonna do to yoU, 269 00:26:52,235 --> 00:26:56,739 but since Mr. T. ain't here, I'm gonna be too bUsy Iickin' their boots to see 270 00:27:04,413 --> 00:27:06,999 The money, or I'll blow yoU away! 271 00:27:07,166 --> 00:27:09,377 I'll take the money. 272 00:27:11,337 --> 00:27:16,509 Listen guys, why would a couple of operators like us be in Redondo Beach 273 00:27:16,634 --> 00:27:20,346 with a bunch of hayseeds in jUmpsUits? - Okay, wise guys. 274 00:27:20,513 --> 00:27:24,267 You tell us - We're gonna race to ConnecticUt and the one that wins 275 00:27:24,350 --> 00:27:28,646 gets $1 million in cash! - Only a moron would back Up a race like that. 276 00:27:29,730 --> 00:27:31,816 Ahh, Fenderboom, Blake 277 00:27:32,358 --> 00:27:35,987 Good to see you You should be sleeping at this hour. 278 00:27:36,070 --> 00:27:38,489 Remember, we leave at noon tomorrow. 279 00:27:42,285 --> 00:27:45,788 Wingtips...? Barbarians. 280 00:27:48,499 --> 00:27:52,253 Come, come! BUy yoUrselves a decent clothing store. 281 00:27:52,503 --> 00:27:55,506 Infidels - That's the moron. 282 00:27:56,382 --> 00:28:00,094 You know, these Iiars could be telling the truth. 283 00:28:19,906 --> 00:28:22,742 Hymie Kaplan, what a surprise! 284 00:28:23,367 --> 00:28:25,912 Oh wow! You look wonderfUI! 285 00:28:26,996 --> 00:28:31,250 What brings yoU to the Pinto Ranch? Is it bUsiness or pleasure? 286 00:28:35,254 --> 00:28:37,506 May I have a chair? - Oh, certainly. 287 00:28:43,137 --> 00:28:45,264 Oh, it's business. 288 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,725 I just spoke to Dad , isn't that fUnny? 289 00:28:47,850 --> 00:28:51,520 Don. You don't mind if I call you Don Don, do yoU? - No, no. 290 00:28:51,604 --> 00:28:56,275 Oh good, Don Don. When yoUr father was having a little troUble with yoU in Brooklyn, 291 00:28:56,400 --> 00:29:00,488 he called me and asked me for a favor. Could he send yoU out here to Vegas 292 00:29:00,821 --> 00:29:04,033 so that I coUId watch over yours. So what do I do? 293 00:29:04,116 --> 00:29:06,744 I give yoU a job working at the casino. And what did yoU do? 294 00:29:06,869 --> 00:29:10,790 You spend all your time working on the chorus Iines - One line 295 00:29:10,915 --> 00:29:13,584 I slept with one IoUsy chorUs line - ShUt up! 296 00:29:15,253 --> 00:29:18,047 The second favor I do for yours: you come to me 297 00:29:18,339 --> 00:29:21,634 and I lend yoU the money to start this. .. - Hymie, 298 00:29:21,759 --> 00:29:25,012 the recession has hUrt every small businessman. - Oh yeah. 299 00:29:26,639 --> 00:29:29,267 What does he owe? - As of 0:30, 300 00:29:29,475 --> 00:29:33,562 the compoUnded 24o!o interest weekly brings it to exactly 301 00:29:33,854 --> 00:29:39,068 0 million, 332 thoUsand , 446 dollars and 55 cents. 302 00:29:39,318 --> 00:29:41,237 Hymie, I'm doing the best I can! 303 00:29:41,529 --> 00:29:44,073 What? I'll kill yoU. 304 00:29:47,159 --> 00:29:51,289 That's what's so tragic. I'm gonna do you another big favor. 305 00:29:51,998 --> 00:29:55,251 I'll give you exactly Until tomorrow to pay everything off. 306 00:29:55,334 --> 00:29:57,336 Well, it's no problem 'caUse... - ShUt up. 307 00:29:59,005 --> 00:30:01,674 Exactly 24 hoUrs, Don Don. 308 00:30:01,799 --> 00:30:03,926 I mean, Dumb DUmb. 309 00:30:04,927 --> 00:30:07,430 I think I call you DUmb Dumb from now on. 310 00:30:08,180 --> 00:30:11,100 What do yoU think aboUt that, chaps? 311 00:30:13,019 --> 00:30:15,646 It's very funny, boss! - It ain't fUnny! 312 00:30:15,771 --> 00:30:18,107 Now, I'll tell you when somethin' is fUnny 313 00:30:19,775 --> 00:30:22,028 Mahana, DUmb Dumb. 314 00:30:22,903 --> 00:30:24,739 Hymie, one uestion. 315 00:30:25,990 --> 00:30:28,326 Oh my God 316 00:30:31,287 --> 00:30:33,372 What was the Uestion? 317 00:30:33,748 --> 00:30:36,083 It'll keep, Hymie. 318 00:30:41,756 --> 00:30:45,343 Are yoU sUre this guy's your uncle? - Yeah, and I told you he's yoUr uncle too. 319 00:30:45,426 --> 00:30:48,304 Listen, I told you, don't tell me, don't explain it to me again, please. 320 00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:52,224 He's my mother's brother, who moved to California, and my mother 321 00:30:52,350 --> 00:30:55,102 is yoUr father's sister, and you're my mother's brother's son. 322 00:31:00,858 --> 00:31:04,737 Is that oUr uncle? - As. .. as they said, he had... er... 323 00:31:04,820 --> 00:31:07,907 ...er... a white Iimo. I ain't seen him in 20 years. 324 00:31:08,366 --> 00:31:10,826 He's from yoUr side of the family. 325 00:31:12,119 --> 00:31:14,372 Uncle Cal? 326 00:31:16,832 --> 00:31:21,045 Howdy, boys Cal's the name and cars is my game. 327 00:31:21,128 --> 00:31:25,299 Got some real sweetheart for little down and 0.0o!o financing. 328 00:31:26,050 --> 00:31:30,846 Uncle Cal , I'm. .. I'm yoUr nephew.. . er... Melvin from North Carolina. 329 00:31:31,263 --> 00:31:35,476 You're my brother and sister's boy? - And I'm your nephew Tony from Brooklyn. 330 00:31:35,810 --> 00:31:38,229 What pair are yoU out of? 331 00:31:38,479 --> 00:31:42,024 Well, it don't matter. Guess yoU boys are wandering about my driver? 332 00:31:44,318 --> 00:31:46,987 He sure looks a little.. . er... little. .. er. .. little... 333 00:31:47,405 --> 00:31:49,240 He... he's weird. 334 00:31:49,281 --> 00:31:52,034 Yeah, I mean, is it easy to get a Iicense in this town? 335 00:31:52,159 --> 00:31:55,246 Oh, he ain't got no Iicense Come here. 336 00:31:55,996 --> 00:32:00,751 I do all the driving from here. He jUst sits there and looks like he's driving. 337 00:32:00,835 --> 00:32:03,629 It's a pUblicity gimmick. I got a slogan: 338 00:32:03,754 --> 00:32:07,007 "If a monkey can drive, so can you" 339 00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:14,765 I love this boy. He's part of our family. 340 00:32:15,766 --> 00:32:18,769 Come on, son. Ain't he cUte? 341 00:32:19,895 --> 00:32:23,649 Hey look. Hey, Uncle Cal. We got a real real problem. 342 00:32:23,732 --> 00:32:27,653 Hey Uncle Cal, we ain't got any money right now. We're flat broke. 343 00:32:27,736 --> 00:32:30,072 Yeah, but we need a car right away. 344 00:32:31,490 --> 00:32:35,578 What are you boys doin' oUt here? - Uncle Cal, we... er... we're Ca... 345 00:32:35,911 --> 00:32:38,539 We're... we're Cannon.. . - We are Cannonballers. 346 00:32:39,331 --> 00:32:42,501 Stop it, boy! I told yoU not to play with the phones. 347 00:32:44,795 --> 00:32:48,007 Damn chimp costs me $300 a month in wrong nUmbers. 348 00:32:49,258 --> 00:32:53,679 Hey, stop it, yoU primate That's it! I've had it with yoU! 349 00:32:54,013 --> 00:32:57,475 Excuse me, fellas. I've gotta teach this old boy some manners. 350 00:32:58,476 --> 00:32:59,727 Son 351 00:33:02,104 --> 00:33:03,731 Now yoU've stepped in it! 352 00:33:08,110 --> 00:33:11,238 Boys, I got one condition on the deal. 353 00:33:11,405 --> 00:33:16,494 I'm gonna give yoU the Iimo, but only if you take this hairy son-of-a-bitch with you 354 00:33:21,624 --> 00:33:25,002 If he's a choreographer, I'm an aviator. - Really? 355 00:33:25,503 --> 00:33:30,299 Same old slop. Let's go to the coffee shop. - Alright. 356 00:33:30,549 --> 00:33:33,052 See yoU at the matinee? - Yeah. 357 00:33:34,053 --> 00:33:37,306 If I have to sing "SoUnd of music" one more time, I'm gonna croak! 358 00:33:37,389 --> 00:33:41,227 I'm so sick of the Crap family, I'm gonna scream! 359 00:33:44,813 --> 00:33:48,067 Oh, it's so crowded. - Why do we eat here at all? 360 00:33:48,901 --> 00:33:52,029 Here Sisters, take this table. We're finished. - Oh, thank yoU. 361 00:33:52,112 --> 00:33:56,283 Very generous and very sweet of you. Bless yoU. Awfully nice of yoU. 362 00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:04,792 I tell you, I'm sick of coffee shops, I'm sick of the show. 363 00:34:05,084 --> 00:34:07,586 I'm sick of show business. - Betty, look at it this way: 364 00:34:07,670 --> 00:34:11,340 It's a stepping stone to Broadway. - I'm getting oUt while I'm at the bottom. 365 00:34:11,423 --> 00:34:14,593 Finito, Veronica. I wanna get married , I wanna have a big hoUse. 366 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,680 I just wanna find some nice, sweet, bozo millionaire. 367 00:34:17,930 --> 00:34:20,349 You know what I'm gonna do with my half of the million? - Tell me. - Alright. 368 00:34:20,724 --> 00:34:23,477 I'm gonna bUy my mom a great, big, brand new hoUse. 369 00:34:23,811 --> 00:34:28,148 And I'm gonna buy my nephew a pony. And I will get the kid a shovel, 370 00:34:28,274 --> 00:34:32,486 because ponies... - I tell yoU somethin' - J.J., what are yoU gonna do with yoUrs? 371 00:34:32,528 --> 00:34:35,281 My money's gonna be gone, before I even get to the car. - Really? 372 00:34:37,074 --> 00:34:40,911 Come on, let's go introduce ourselves. - Are yoU crazy? 373 00:34:41,412 --> 00:34:44,164 Oh my God - For JesUs Christ 374 00:34:48,919 --> 00:34:53,882 Excuse Us gentlemen, but we have jUst spilled coffee all over the table. 375 00:34:54,008 --> 00:34:56,635 Would yoU mind , if we sat with you? - Sit with us? 376 00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,514 You wanna join Us? - Oh no, don't get up. - SUre. - Boy-nun, boy-nun. 377 00:35:01,432 --> 00:35:04,143 Boy-nUn, boy-nun? - Thank yoU , Sir. 378 00:35:04,351 --> 00:35:07,229 J .J., they're gonna join Us. - Yeah. - Thank yoU. 379 00:35:07,313 --> 00:35:09,732 I'm Sister Veronica. - And I'm Sister Betty. 380 00:35:09,898 --> 00:35:13,736 How do you do? - I'm J.J. McCIure and this is Victor Prinze. 381 00:35:14,069 --> 00:35:17,031 We're partners. - Are yoU boys married? 382 00:35:17,489 --> 00:35:19,742 No, just partners. 383 00:35:21,994 --> 00:35:25,372 Partners? Well, sweet. - Sister Betty? 384 00:35:25,497 --> 00:35:28,250 That's correct. But we're not partners, we're Sisters. Not real sisters. 385 00:35:28,375 --> 00:35:33,797 We're just in the same order together. - So what do you gentlemen do for a living? 386 00:35:34,298 --> 00:35:36,675 We race across the coUntry. For money. 387 00:35:36,759 --> 00:35:40,012 Oh, and we're gonna have a race today to the East Coast. 388 00:35:40,179 --> 00:35:42,514 Are yoU racing to Broadway? 389 00:35:44,808 --> 00:35:47,144 ConnecticUt. What order did yoU say yoU're from? 390 00:35:47,311 --> 00:35:49,772 Oh, actually it's just a... a bUnch of girls. 391 00:35:49,897 --> 00:35:53,108 BUnch of girls? - We're affiliated together in the Order of... 392 00:35:53,359 --> 00:35:56,987 Immaculate... - ... Chastity. The Order of Immaculate Chastity. 393 00:35:57,363 --> 00:36:01,825 The Order of Immaculate Chastity. I read the Bible all the time. 394 00:36:01,992 --> 00:36:05,245 In fact, I read the Bible that was printed on the head of a pin. 395 00:36:05,496 --> 00:36:08,040 That was hard. BUt I never heard of the... 396 00:36:08,332 --> 00:36:11,627 Well, yoU have to read the New Testament. That. .. It's not even in the New Testament. 397 00:36:11,752 --> 00:36:14,421 It's the New. .. - New Wave. - Aha 398 00:36:14,672 --> 00:36:17,758 New. .. New Test... very progressive Testament. - We'll try to catch it. 399 00:36:18,759 --> 00:36:21,053 We have holy work to do. Let's go. 400 00:36:21,387 --> 00:36:23,764 Okay. Well, maybe some other time. 401 00:36:24,515 --> 00:36:28,977 At what time did yoU say yoUr race is? - Noon. - At the Portofino Inn, Sister. 402 00:36:29,770 --> 00:36:32,773 Goodbye, Sister Veronica. - Come, Sister Betty. 403 00:36:32,981 --> 00:36:35,609 Nice meetin' you, Sister. - Thank you. - Bye bye. 404 00:36:35,734 --> 00:36:38,529 Come on, hurry Sister Betty, we have lots of Iepers waiting. 405 00:36:40,489 --> 00:36:43,283 Don Don? - What is this now? - Everything is fine. 406 00:36:43,492 --> 00:36:46,995 What we did is, we put oUr heads together 407 00:36:47,287 --> 00:36:51,125 and we're gonna rip off the Arab on the road during the car race. 408 00:36:51,542 --> 00:36:55,921 You put your heads together, hUh? It must have sounded like a bowling alley 409 00:36:56,338 --> 00:37:00,134 Yes, Don Don. - We need millions of dollars by... what time is it now? 410 00:37:00,259 --> 00:37:02,344 Oh my God By tomorrow 411 00:37:02,845 --> 00:37:06,098 If we can get the sheik, we got the money. 412 00:37:06,390 --> 00:37:09,893 He wants Us to rip off the Arab and then kidnap him. 413 00:37:10,102 --> 00:37:14,231 What for? - What for?! Ransom, yoU idiots! Ransom. 414 00:37:14,273 --> 00:37:16,400 R- A-N-S-U-M ! Ransom 415 00:37:16,650 --> 00:37:19,570 Understand , you imbeciles? - YoU got it. Please calm yoUrself. 416 00:37:19,737 --> 00:37:21,739 Tell this to Hymie - Okay, have a nice day. 417 00:38:07,868 --> 00:38:12,831 J .J., is that legal? Both of them? At the same time? 418 00:38:16,168 --> 00:38:19,922 J .J., you're bad. Hi Jill, Hi Marcie! 419 00:38:20,339 --> 00:38:22,508 CUte car 420 00:38:23,342 --> 00:38:26,887 Imagine the stories J.J .'s making Up about last night. 421 00:38:27,012 --> 00:38:31,391 He's driving poor Victor crazy. - Yeah. Poor Victor's bUying every word of it. 422 00:38:31,767 --> 00:38:34,561 Well, what he doesn't know ain't gonna hurt Us. - Never has. 423 00:38:35,020 --> 00:38:37,773 Let's check oUt our competition. - AIright. 424 00:38:39,733 --> 00:38:42,653 Well, yoU look great. YoU really do. You look real sexy 425 00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:44,279 Sexy? 426 00:38:46,365 --> 00:38:51,036 You look... - And I look like a tUrd. - No, you don't. - J .J. , what am I sUpposed to be? 427 00:38:51,119 --> 00:38:53,539 You're a career army man. 428 00:38:55,165 --> 00:38:57,501 Forty years in the army, the backbone of the army 429 00:38:57,626 --> 00:38:59,586 Alright - Alright. - Man. 430 00:39:00,254 --> 00:39:04,007 Wish I had a medal. - You want a medal? - Well, I'd like to have a medal. 431 00:39:04,758 --> 00:39:07,803 Take one. - Oh, no. - Take one, you're my friend. - I couldn't take 432 00:39:07,886 --> 00:39:11,139 one of your medals. I couldn't do it. - Take anyone yoU like. I love yoU. 433 00:39:11,265 --> 00:39:12,850 Okay. 434 00:39:13,141 --> 00:39:15,644 This is a nice one right here. - That one. - Thanks. 435 00:39:15,769 --> 00:39:17,896 Oh, this is really swell. 436 00:39:18,730 --> 00:39:21,733 The Congressional Medal of Honor. Thank you very mUch! 437 00:39:22,359 --> 00:39:24,486 That's really nice. 438 00:39:24,778 --> 00:39:29,992 Oh boy... Oh, and it's so shiny. I'm real glad. I love it. 439 00:39:30,117 --> 00:39:33,620 Oh, look, J.J. - Ah. - Good morning. - Good morning. 440 00:39:34,121 --> 00:39:37,541 General? Are yoU a General? General J.J. McCIure. 441 00:39:37,791 --> 00:39:40,794 Oh, you're a private. - National GUard. - Listen... 442 00:39:40,919 --> 00:39:43,881 The Lord asks a favor and we ask a favor of yoU. 443 00:39:44,131 --> 00:39:48,302 We have an emergency in New York and it's very important that we get there. 444 00:39:48,677 --> 00:39:52,306 And we've lost our means of transportation. - And our vows of poverty 445 00:39:52,389 --> 00:39:56,393 prevent us from traveling commercially. Could we go along with yoU? 446 00:39:56,810 --> 00:39:59,521 We only have 46 hoUrs to get there, you see. Otherwise... 447 00:40:00,230 --> 00:40:02,774 ...the lepers might caUse a panic. 448 00:40:03,233 --> 00:40:07,279 The lepers? - Yes. We treated Iepers on Molokai, 449 00:40:07,404 --> 00:40:10,532 and now several hundred of them have made their way East to the Big Apple. 450 00:40:10,657 --> 00:40:12,993 We'd like to continUe treating them. - Oh... 451 00:40:13,243 --> 00:40:15,662 Oh, sUre Sister, this is gonna be swell. - ExcUse me. 452 00:40:15,996 --> 00:40:19,124 Excuse me. JUst one minute. - What? - Come here. 453 00:40:19,917 --> 00:40:22,502 What? - How could you tell 'em "The Big Apple"?! 454 00:40:23,086 --> 00:40:26,840 The lepers? Big Apple? - Well , The Big Apple is New York, J .J. 455 00:40:27,007 --> 00:40:29,551 I know that. - And I didn't even know they had Iepers there. 456 00:40:29,676 --> 00:40:32,554 Listen to me. We can't take nuns along. - Oh please. - no 457 00:40:32,638 --> 00:40:35,390 What, if we're driving along and I see a pretty girl hitchhiking? 458 00:40:35,557 --> 00:40:38,560 She wants to get in the car, a little action? And we got nuns along? 459 00:40:38,644 --> 00:40:41,855 I'm good, bUt I'm not that good. - Listen, if we take these nuns 460 00:40:41,980 --> 00:40:44,232 I bet that God will be oUr co-pilot. 461 00:40:44,483 --> 00:40:45,651 Well... 462 00:40:50,364 --> 00:40:51,907 Why not? - Oh, J.J. 463 00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:56,244 You can come along. - Oh, bless yoU , my son. 464 00:40:56,370 --> 00:40:59,623 Oh, J.J. You'll get yoUr reward in heaven. - I don't wanna wait that long. 465 00:41:00,999 --> 00:41:04,503 Snappy bags, huh? - It's pUrple for Lent. - Ah. Good. 466 00:41:05,295 --> 00:41:09,383 I should tell yoU something. When we're gonna be in the car, it'll be kind of cramped. 467 00:41:10,008 --> 00:41:13,053 It'll be alright? - Of course. - It'll be alright. 468 00:41:14,012 --> 00:41:18,225 My Milly took a vow of chastity. She had headaches all the time. 469 00:41:20,477 --> 00:41:22,646 Well, well, well... 470 00:41:22,854 --> 00:41:27,484 Look who we have here. General Patton... and General Admission. 471 00:41:30,153 --> 00:41:34,282 Heckle and Jeckle dressed as cops. Gotta arrest their minds for vagrancy. 472 00:41:34,741 --> 00:41:38,370 Any problems, officers? - Are yoU kidding, Ladies? 473 00:41:38,495 --> 00:41:42,541 I might as well tell yoU something. We tried it at the last race, dressed like priests. 474 00:41:42,666 --> 00:41:45,752 We didn't win. It didn't help Us and it ain't gonna help you. 475 00:41:47,421 --> 00:41:50,882 Now, as a Iaw enforcement officer I exercise my rights 476 00:41:51,008 --> 00:41:55,178 to take these two yoUng ladies and sUbmit them to a very nice long 477 00:41:55,387 --> 00:41:58,765 and thoroUgh body search. - Shame on you - Listen. 478 00:41:59,016 --> 00:42:03,729 These are real nUns. This is not a Halloween party. Have a little respect. 479 00:42:05,272 --> 00:42:07,774 I'm Up to here with you. 480 00:42:25,333 --> 00:42:26,418 You're sick. 481 00:42:27,002 --> 00:42:30,422 Gather around, look this way. Fenderboom, Blake, J .J. , Victor... 482 00:42:31,590 --> 00:42:34,593 Fellow Cannonballers, give me yoUr attention. 483 00:42:35,135 --> 00:42:37,596 Allah came to me one night and said: 484 00:42:37,679 --> 00:42:40,265 "Falafel, be a sport!" 485 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:43,477 "Spread the wealth before Khomeini gets it all. " 486 00:42:45,020 --> 00:42:48,732 Please, please.. . The important thing to know is 487 00:42:49,316 --> 00:42:56,239 that I personally am donating the pUrse of $1 million to the winner! 488 00:43:05,248 --> 00:43:10,378 Remember the golden rule: He who has the gold makes the rUIes. 489 00:43:10,670 --> 00:43:12,798 I go first. 490 00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:18,428 General, will this trip be dangeroUs? - Oh, I don't think dangeroUs, Sister. 491 00:43:18,553 --> 00:43:21,056 Maybe exciting, bUt... 492 00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,812 Hello everyone. .. Good to see you again. 493 00:43:27,395 --> 00:43:31,817 J .J., I shall endeavor to get yoU the win. Throw the little nUns in the car... 494 00:43:31,900 --> 00:43:34,778 ...and let's be off! - Does your friend have an identity problem? 495 00:43:35,487 --> 00:43:37,864 No problem and no time, Sister. 496 00:43:39,282 --> 00:43:42,494 General, you should be in the back. Sister Betty, up front with me. 497 00:43:42,744 --> 00:43:44,412 Boy-nUn, boy-nun. 498 00:43:46,414 --> 00:43:49,334 Isn't he adorable? - I heard that. 499 00:43:52,254 --> 00:43:54,005 The jUry's still out on that. 500 00:43:54,422 --> 00:43:59,177 Here is to good lUck. May it all be mine 501 00:45:40,987 --> 00:45:43,657 I don't Understand this, Tony. 502 00:45:44,032 --> 00:45:48,245 For the last time: I hit the back of the Arab's car, 503 00:45:48,787 --> 00:45:52,249 push a bUtton, presto. These things clamp onto the bumper. 504 00:45:52,832 --> 00:45:56,670 Then I step on the brakes. We stop, get oUt of the car, 505 00:45:56,795 --> 00:46:00,799 and snatch him.. . Now do you Understand? 506 00:46:03,385 --> 00:46:04,803 Yeah... 507 00:46:24,823 --> 00:46:28,743 Attention: Smokey in pursuit. - O-oh, trouble. 508 00:46:31,997 --> 00:46:35,750 Well, do something high-tech. - Smokey. .. gaining. 509 00:46:38,503 --> 00:46:40,297 AfterbUrner... ready. 510 00:46:51,308 --> 00:46:54,102 Boy, that's what I call a high-tech! 511 00:47:00,984 --> 00:47:05,905 Here they come. - Still seems complicated, Tony. 512 00:47:06,281 --> 00:47:10,660 It's a piece of cake. I jUst speed up and I get to his back bUmper. 513 00:47:11,036 --> 00:47:12,996 Here we go. Get ready. Easing Up. 514 00:47:13,371 --> 00:47:15,832 Now don't blow it. Just hit the bUtton. 515 00:47:16,082 --> 00:47:20,128 Easing Up. Easing up. Now! Now 516 00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:25,008 You're not holding the wheel steady, Tony. - Hey, you wanna drive? 517 00:47:25,759 --> 00:47:27,177 Hit it 518 00:47:29,346 --> 00:47:33,224 Nothing can separate Us now. Nothing! - Nothing! 519 00:47:41,358 --> 00:47:45,236 Maybe it only works on American cars, eh Tony? 520 00:47:58,541 --> 00:48:00,585 Oh, how sweet. 521 00:48:17,310 --> 00:48:19,396 Can I help you, ma'am? 522 00:48:21,648 --> 00:48:25,276 Tony, are yoU sUre about this? - Stop complaining! 523 00:48:25,402 --> 00:48:29,697 Statistics proof flying is safer than driving. - Is that right? 524 00:48:33,660 --> 00:48:38,915 Sideward and rearward maneUvering is accomplished by... 525 00:48:40,166 --> 00:48:43,628 Oh, am I mad at you You told me yoU could fly this thing. 526 00:48:43,753 --> 00:48:46,881 We almost got killed three times already! 527 00:48:49,801 --> 00:48:53,680 Will you shUt Up an read the instrUctions? Or we'll be killed for the last time 528 00:48:53,805 --> 00:48:56,933 You're getting me crazy. This thing can not fly by itself 529 00:49:14,534 --> 00:49:18,121 We're Ieveling out! - AIright, so we didn't crash. 530 00:49:18,204 --> 00:49:21,791 Now, explain to me about the magnet on the helicopter. - Why? 531 00:49:21,916 --> 00:49:26,379 This scheme is too complicated for me. - The alphabet is too complicated for you 532 00:49:26,504 --> 00:49:31,217 It's simple: this magnet is powertUI enough to pick a Brinks trUck right off the street. 533 00:49:31,509 --> 00:49:33,803 Oh, a Brinks trUck, hUh? 534 00:49:38,057 --> 00:49:42,312 Aren't we going above the speed Iimit? - Yes, 110, Sister Betty. 535 00:49:45,315 --> 00:49:48,318 Oh, this is exciting! - Are yoU blessing my leg? 536 00:49:49,444 --> 00:49:50,653 Yeah. 537 00:49:53,865 --> 00:49:56,159 Keep blessing, Sister! 538 00:50:00,455 --> 00:50:04,125 We jUst passed this police car. - That's alright. We pass 'em all the time. 539 00:50:04,584 --> 00:50:09,172 Sarge, are we doin' 60? - Yeah, we sUre are! 540 00:50:09,339 --> 00:50:13,092 Did they jUst pass Us like we were standing still? - Let me tell yoU what to do, son. 541 00:50:13,468 --> 00:50:18,348 BUckle Up. YoU're taking part in yoUr first high-speed pursUit and capture 542 00:50:20,892 --> 00:50:25,813 It's following us. The police car's following Us. - Probably recognized me. 543 00:50:33,071 --> 00:50:36,115 What? - I mean, it's not my life style. 544 00:50:36,241 --> 00:50:37,700 I don't... - No, yoU're fine. 545 00:50:40,370 --> 00:50:44,332 You're shaking. I'll hold your hand. - Oh, thank you, thank you. 546 00:50:44,499 --> 00:50:47,710 Oh, they're so warm. - J.J. is the warmest! 547 00:50:48,086 --> 00:50:52,590 Sister Betty, he has sUch warm skin - He has such warm skin? 548 00:50:53,132 --> 00:50:55,176 You should feel the heater Up here. 549 00:50:57,178 --> 00:51:00,640 Noticed how I took that last cUrve? High and wide, straight throUgh the apex. 550 00:51:00,723 --> 00:51:03,560 Pick up about 15 mph more coming oUt. 551 00:51:21,995 --> 00:51:24,414 What are you writin'? - The accident report. 552 00:51:28,626 --> 00:51:29,586 Damn 553 00:51:35,592 --> 00:51:39,846 Here's your sandwich, YoUr Highness. - YoU'd better not, Your Royalship. 554 00:51:40,013 --> 00:51:43,391 That salami will kick the shit out of your ulcer! 555 00:51:47,228 --> 00:51:51,274 Wait, wait. There's the Rolls - Ha! Good. 556 00:51:55,403 --> 00:51:59,490 This flyin' is a piece of cake! - Now that we foUnd 'em , what do we do? 557 00:51:59,991 --> 00:52:03,995 Are yoU kidding? I just sneak Up behind 'em. They probably won't even know I'm there. 558 00:52:04,078 --> 00:52:06,998 Then, at the right second: Zappo! We snatch 'em. 559 00:52:07,081 --> 00:52:09,500 Oh Smart! 560 00:52:09,667 --> 00:52:14,297 Why did I ever doUbt you Tony? I'm too dUmb to uestion smart people. 561 00:52:14,672 --> 00:52:16,799 This is trUe. 562 00:52:17,258 --> 00:52:20,386 Tony, don't yoU think you're too low? - That's a negative. 563 00:52:21,304 --> 00:52:24,641 It looks a little low, Tony. - I can see it through the window, okay? 564 00:52:27,727 --> 00:52:30,271 A little bit to the left. 565 00:52:31,022 --> 00:52:34,484 A little more to the left. - How did yoU get here? The Tooth Fairy? 566 00:52:34,609 --> 00:52:38,154 I flew you here, shmuck! - Now, down a little. 567 00:52:38,488 --> 00:52:41,491 Hit the bUtton on the magnet 568 00:52:41,783 --> 00:52:44,994 I love being a gangster! 569 00:52:47,747 --> 00:52:52,502 We're on like glue. Nothing, nothing could separate Us now. Nothing! 570 00:52:54,754 --> 00:52:57,256 Up, Up and away - Up, Up and away. 571 00:52:59,008 --> 00:53:01,135 Listen 572 00:53:01,260 --> 00:53:04,681 Up, Up and awaaay... 573 00:53:08,101 --> 00:53:11,229 I don't know why it ain't workin'. - Could be the fan belt. 574 00:53:12,814 --> 00:53:16,359 Maybe it don't work on nothin' bUt Brinks trucks. 575 00:53:16,651 --> 00:53:22,240 Don't worry about it. I'll have it all figured out in a second. 576 00:53:22,990 --> 00:53:25,159 Tony, is yoUr seat belt on? 577 00:53:51,644 --> 00:53:56,399 Hep. Eatin' time! You feed him, and... I'll drive. 578 00:53:56,524 --> 00:53:59,360 No, no, no. It's your turn. You feed him. Come on! 579 00:54:02,572 --> 00:54:04,282 Here yoU go. Oh... 580 00:54:05,867 --> 00:54:11,414 Son-of-a-bitch! That son-of-a-bitch is crazy! He's got a mental case... 581 00:54:26,053 --> 00:54:30,016 Corporal. - Yes, Sir. - YoU're driving well. - Thank yoU, Sir. 582 00:54:31,768 --> 00:54:35,605 Sister Betty? You know, I was raised a Catholic and I'm really interested. 583 00:54:35,730 --> 00:54:39,233 Could yoU tell us more aboUt the Order of the Immaculate Charity? 584 00:54:39,609 --> 00:54:42,028 Chastity. - Chastity 585 00:54:42,111 --> 00:54:44,489 He always get those words mixed Up. 586 00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:48,785 Well... I think it's time for Us to get some sleep. 587 00:54:49,035 --> 00:54:53,247 Oh sure. Good. - So if yoU jUst excuse Us, we'd like to have a little privacy. - SUre. 588 00:54:53,664 --> 00:54:57,543 Go ahead, there's... JUst put that. .. - Good night. - Good night. 589 00:55:04,175 --> 00:55:08,012 Hey, am I crazy? Or are those the friendliest nuns yoU've ever seen? 590 00:55:08,262 --> 00:55:11,015 Isn't Sister Betty cUte? - Ahh. I'd... 591 00:55:12,308 --> 00:55:14,727 I'd like to jump her bones. 592 00:55:15,019 --> 00:55:18,981 J .J., bite yoUr tongUe - Can't help it. I'm sorry. - Aren't yoU ashamed? 593 00:55:19,023 --> 00:55:22,485 I woUld! - Oh my goodness Why woUId yoU say such a... 594 00:55:27,615 --> 00:55:29,617 That's sacrilegioUs - These are hUman beings. 595 00:55:29,742 --> 00:55:32,995 And I'd be very interested to know how yoU make oUt. - HUh? 596 00:55:33,621 --> 00:55:36,123 'Cause I been thinking aboUt getting into Sister Betty's pants. 597 00:55:42,922 --> 00:55:45,091 Oh God, forgive me... 598 00:55:59,605 --> 00:56:02,650 Morning officer nice day, isn't it? 599 00:56:02,859 --> 00:56:06,070 Get oUt of the road, fat boy, before you get run over. Come on. - Okay. 600 00:56:10,575 --> 00:56:12,910 Good morning! - Goddamn A General 601 00:56:14,579 --> 00:56:18,791 Now, what seems to be the problem , officer? - We have speed Iimits in this here state. 602 00:56:19,417 --> 00:56:22,336 Even in a nuclear emergency? - What emergency? 603 00:56:23,087 --> 00:56:26,757 We can't talk aboUt it, officer. - Let me see yoUr driver's license. - no 604 00:56:27,091 --> 00:56:29,844 I have radioactive breath. 605 00:56:31,178 --> 00:56:34,640 What are you boys trying to pUII? - There has been a nUclear meltdown. 606 00:56:35,016 --> 00:56:37,727 We're taking some contaminated material to Connecticut. 607 00:56:37,810 --> 00:56:40,479 Why Connecticut? 608 00:56:41,522 --> 00:56:43,316 They ran out. 609 00:56:44,066 --> 00:56:45,818 BUIIshit! 610 00:56:47,111 --> 00:56:49,989 Hey, uncle Hinky - Homer! My nephew. 611 00:56:50,281 --> 00:56:53,492 We'll wait for you, Homer. - Thanks, Sir. - How yoU're doin', Homer? 612 00:56:53,576 --> 00:56:56,245 Goddamn, I didn't know yoU was coming home! - Private 613 00:56:58,581 --> 00:57:00,541 Yes Sir, General 614 00:57:00,750 --> 00:57:04,295 What are you doing here, son? - Well , I had a 3-day pass to come home. 615 00:57:04,378 --> 00:57:07,924 It's the first one I had in two years. - I'm gonna commandeer yoU 616 00:57:08,049 --> 00:57:11,260 to drive this car to ConnecticUt. Get in the car, son. - Yes, Sir 617 00:57:11,344 --> 00:57:14,931 Hold it Ain't nobody goin' no place till I phoned this here in! 618 00:57:15,181 --> 00:57:19,560 Uncle Hinky, I gotta do what he says. He got more medals than all at the base together. 619 00:57:19,727 --> 00:57:22,355 It don't make no difference. I phone it in anyway. 620 00:57:24,482 --> 00:57:27,318 Good morning, officer. - Sweet JesUs! 621 00:57:27,652 --> 00:57:30,029 General, why are we stopping? - I'm sorry, Sister. 622 00:57:30,154 --> 00:57:32,990 I was jUst explaining to the sheriff the pUrpose of my mission. 623 00:57:33,616 --> 00:57:37,119 You carry nUns with yoU? - In case we don't... 624 00:57:37,244 --> 00:57:39,747 ...make it, you know? - Oh, really? 625 00:57:40,289 --> 00:57:43,584 There's a higher pUrpose involved, officer. Only the Lord knows what it is. 626 00:57:44,335 --> 00:57:47,755 The safety of oUr nation depends on the speed of oUr mission. 627 00:57:48,589 --> 00:57:50,758 Wow Praise the Lord! 628 00:57:50,841 --> 00:57:55,388 Well, in that case I'll give yoU a police escort all the way to the coUnty line. 629 00:57:55,513 --> 00:57:57,139 Bless yoU. - Sheriff... 630 00:57:57,264 --> 00:58:00,101 I just want you to know something: America needs yoUr help 631 00:58:00,226 --> 00:58:03,980 There are two communists disgUised as policemen chasing us in a red Corvette. 632 00:58:04,397 --> 00:58:06,857 Commies - no shit? 633 00:58:07,608 --> 00:58:09,610 No shit. 634 00:58:11,028 --> 00:58:14,573 Now, don't go argUing with me! I've got it straight from the General 635 00:58:14,740 --> 00:58:18,744 There are two communists dressed Up as policemen in a red Corvette... 636 00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:21,831 ...trying to steal our nuclear shit Shoot 'em 637 00:58:21,998 --> 00:58:25,292 The fate of the coUntry depends on it, do you hear me? 638 00:58:27,670 --> 00:58:31,007 HeadUarters, this is Units ? and 5 eastboUnd on Highway 10. 639 00:58:31,257 --> 00:58:33,926 We got those commies in oUr sights. - Commies? 640 00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:37,930 Now, I been called a lot of things bUt I ain't never been called no commie. 641 00:58:38,514 --> 00:58:44,478 I ain't even a Democrat. - YoU can inform the General they're as good as caught. 642 00:58:46,647 --> 00:58:48,566 The General. .. General!? 643 00:58:50,026 --> 00:58:53,988 J .J! That son-of-a-bitch! 644 00:59:03,873 --> 00:59:07,043 Good, Blake. But not good enoUgh! 645 00:59:07,126 --> 00:59:10,921 This is ? and 5 again. We're now westbound on Highway 10. 646 00:59:11,005 --> 00:59:14,425 This is the Captain. I want those two foreigners broUght in. 647 00:59:15,051 --> 00:59:17,845 Dead or alive. - Don't yoU worry about it. 648 00:59:18,012 --> 00:59:21,140 You know what I'm gonna do? - What? - I'm gonna turn this car aroUnd 649 00:59:21,265 --> 00:59:25,019 and I am gonna block the whole highway sideways. 650 00:59:25,144 --> 00:59:28,731 And when they come they have a choice: either to ditch it 651 00:59:28,981 --> 00:59:31,734 or ram right straight into Us 652 00:59:32,401 --> 00:59:36,489 JUst ditch it or... ram straight into us? - Yeah! 653 00:59:53,756 --> 00:59:57,510 Get oUtta here with these bananas I don't want the bananas 654 00:59:59,178 --> 01:00:02,515 This is hUmiliating as hell... er... sittin' Up here! 655 01:00:02,640 --> 01:00:08,062 Well, it's no picnic being back here Wacked-out monkey! 656 01:00:10,731 --> 01:00:13,025 Stop it! Well, keep your hands off me, monkey! 657 01:00:22,660 --> 01:00:25,412 What are you doing up here? - Man, it's safer. 658 01:00:27,123 --> 01:00:29,166 Well, who's drivin'? - He is. 659 01:00:41,303 --> 01:00:45,975 Would yoU boys like to stay for dinner? I just made noodle soUp. 660 01:00:55,067 --> 01:00:58,112 Note, Blake. General Patton's car. 661 01:00:58,487 --> 01:01:00,906 Is the blimp driving? 662 01:01:00,990 --> 01:01:03,826 No. It's the General. 663 01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:06,245 The General, hUh? Ha! 664 01:01:06,328 --> 01:01:10,040 Oh, I'm gonna make a private out of him 665 01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:22,011 It's money in the bank. A million bUcks 666 01:01:26,891 --> 01:01:30,811 Oh, come on It'll be a weekend yoU'll never forget. 667 01:01:31,228 --> 01:01:33,856 All three of Us? - Yep. 668 01:01:34,773 --> 01:01:38,527 It's gonna be a weekend you can tell your kids aboUt... if they're all boys. 669 01:01:39,069 --> 01:01:43,490 Look, yoU guys thrashed this gull-wing out. I didn't even pay for that one yet. 670 01:01:43,616 --> 01:01:47,494 Listen, baby. We're gonna be as gentle with that car as we're gonna be with you. 671 01:01:47,745 --> 01:01:50,331 Real sound. Come on, what yoU say? 672 01:01:54,418 --> 01:01:56,253 Okay. - Alright. - Okay. 673 01:01:56,420 --> 01:02:01,008 The keys are in the car, bUt hurry back. My friends aren't gonna believe this! 674 01:02:01,425 --> 01:02:03,886 Know what? You jUst bring them too. - Really? 675 01:02:04,094 --> 01:02:06,180 SUre. And don't forget your camera. 676 01:02:06,597 --> 01:02:08,390 Really? 677 01:02:13,729 --> 01:02:17,733 You got a fUII tank of gas in here? - Please, be careful with it. Please! 678 01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:21,237 (I'll be real gentle) 679 01:02:51,767 --> 01:02:54,270 What do yoU want, Ching-Chong man? 680 01:03:03,988 --> 01:03:07,491 Help? Gee, there's only a dozen of 'em . By the way, can yoU split that for me? 681 01:03:10,744 --> 01:03:12,246 Thank you. 682 01:03:31,015 --> 01:03:32,766 I'll be there in a minUte 683 01:03:56,373 --> 01:04:01,253 That was wondertul. You're great. Can yoU stay for dinner and meet my parents? 684 01:04:03,505 --> 01:04:06,133 That was so great What's yoUr name? 685 01:04:07,259 --> 01:04:10,262 Hey, we got a race to finish. A million bUcks 686 01:04:12,765 --> 01:04:14,516 He can stay for dinner, too 687 01:04:18,103 --> 01:04:21,023 Dammit! The race is gonna be over, if they don't get their bUns oUt here soon. 688 01:04:25,235 --> 01:04:28,155 Golly They changed their clothes. 689 01:04:30,741 --> 01:04:34,078 You think we've gone too far? - Probably. 690 01:04:36,622 --> 01:04:38,999 Let's go for it. 691 01:04:39,249 --> 01:04:42,795 You know, General? I bet this mission is so secret yoU had 'em do this 692 01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:45,339 so Russian spies woUldn't recognize 'em. 693 01:04:53,055 --> 01:04:55,516 We got a six-pack and some chilli-dogs for the trip. 694 01:04:56,975 --> 01:05:00,229 I got one for yoU and on for... "him". 695 01:05:12,616 --> 01:05:15,285 You've adapted to civilian life very well. 696 01:05:18,997 --> 01:05:23,502 Oh my God Private.. . Walk this way. 697 01:05:26,338 --> 01:05:28,298 NUns, huh? 698 01:05:31,260 --> 01:05:35,013 Get in the car. - Yes, General. 699 01:05:55,409 --> 01:05:59,371 PUt that away! You ain't gonna Use it 700 01:06:05,002 --> 01:06:07,337 To yoUr right, Highness. To yoUr right. 701 01:06:09,631 --> 01:06:13,302 As soon as this cable rips up the Rolls... 702 01:06:13,886 --> 01:06:16,680 ...you grab the money.. . - I grab the money? 703 01:06:16,805 --> 01:06:19,349 ...and I grab the sheik or what's left of 'em... 704 01:06:19,641 --> 01:06:21,894 ...and we head back to Vegas. - Vegas? 705 01:06:24,104 --> 01:06:27,065 Prince Falafel! BUy what? 706 01:06:28,817 --> 01:06:31,069 Nimitz? What's a Nimitz? 707 01:06:32,654 --> 01:06:35,240 The U .S.S. nimitz, ah! 708 01:06:35,324 --> 01:06:38,994 I want to bUy it I want to land my 747s on it 709 01:06:39,995 --> 01:06:43,165 I don't care what it costs. How mUch? 710 01:06:43,415 --> 01:06:46,919 Feelin' better now, aren't you? - I can't hear you Talk IoUder 711 01:06:47,044 --> 01:06:50,631 I said, yoU're feeling better now, aren't yoU? - Yes, a thousand thanks! 712 01:06:50,756 --> 01:06:53,342 No problem! BUy! - Bye. 713 01:07:04,645 --> 01:07:07,022 Tighten it Up, they're coming! - I tighten it! - Tighter 714 01:07:07,773 --> 01:07:10,484 Come. HUrry. Here it comes! 715 01:07:27,167 --> 01:07:30,295 Well yeah, you get what you pay for. - Oh, dammit 716 01:07:30,754 --> 01:07:33,340 What now? - I don't know! 717 01:07:35,259 --> 01:07:38,345 Well, get out and start smiling. - Yeah, right. 718 01:07:53,610 --> 01:07:55,988 Don't blame me! I didn't do nothin' 719 01:07:57,114 --> 01:07:58,991 Me neither. I'm jUst followin' orders. 720 01:08:12,754 --> 01:08:17,009 We were turning aboUt 6 grand when the gages lit up like a pinball machine. 721 01:08:17,426 --> 01:08:20,304 Yeah, so we propped the hood and there's oil leaking. 722 01:08:21,555 --> 01:08:26,476 Right here. - Does it look bad? - Not from where I'm standing. 723 01:08:26,768 --> 01:08:31,398 Oh, can yoU fix it then? - Honey, I got a tool that'll fix anything 724 01:08:33,483 --> 01:08:35,235 Oh, yeah? 725 01:08:49,082 --> 01:08:52,127 Hey, sUgar? - Yeah? - What have you got Under the hood? 726 01:08:52,586 --> 01:08:56,006 Alright. That's a 454, foUr on the floor. 727 01:08:56,673 --> 01:09:00,385 Full house, with a blower. - Yeah? - She's a sweetheart, isn't she? 728 01:09:04,056 --> 01:09:06,475 It sUre is hot out here, ain't it? 729 01:09:06,975 --> 01:09:09,978 Yeah, it really is. 730 01:09:14,066 --> 01:09:17,736 Why don't you relax, sUgar? Everything's gonna be just fine 731 01:09:17,986 --> 01:09:21,031 I don't think my boss wanted this to do 120 mph. 732 01:09:21,782 --> 01:09:26,328 Well, it's doin' it! - Come on, listen. Why don't you just take me back and... 733 01:09:26,495 --> 01:09:29,748 My. .. Just take me back to my boss.. . Oh jeez, am I gonna get it 734 01:09:36,254 --> 01:09:39,633 What the heck It's only a job. Let's go! 735 01:09:40,676 --> 01:09:43,261 And it's gonna be a weekend you'Il never forget. 736 01:09:52,104 --> 01:09:56,274 Attention... Smokie in pursUit. Attention... Smokie in... 737 01:09:56,358 --> 01:09:58,360 Battle stations! 738 01:09:59,820 --> 01:10:02,489 AfterbUrner. - Roger! 739 01:10:04,157 --> 01:10:07,411 AfterbUrner ready... 3, ?, 1 ... 740 01:10:07,494 --> 01:10:09,371 Ignition! 741 01:10:19,756 --> 01:10:22,509 Turn it off -? - Turn it off 742 01:10:24,261 --> 01:10:27,139 Prepare to crash dive 743 01:10:42,821 --> 01:10:45,031 We jUst lost it. 744 01:11:02,632 --> 01:11:05,260 Look, beer cans - Underwear? 745 01:11:05,510 --> 01:11:08,638 Now let's give 'em the oil slick. - Yes, man. 746 01:11:13,602 --> 01:11:16,730 Oil slick... Sorry, fellas. 747 01:11:17,355 --> 01:11:20,650 We're just doin' oUr job. - Yes, sorry. 748 01:11:22,027 --> 01:11:24,321 Attention... enemy astern. 749 01:11:24,654 --> 01:11:27,991 Let's see what's happening. Up the scope. - Okay. 750 01:11:45,091 --> 01:11:48,595 Quiet, please. - Stand by for depth charge attack. 751 01:11:58,355 --> 01:12:02,275 Come on. Catch one. Pay attention! - We've been coming here for five years! 752 01:12:02,400 --> 01:12:06,238 Five years - WithoUt a fish. - A big one's out there for you, boys. - YoU're sure? 753 01:12:06,279 --> 01:12:10,617 Darn right I saw him jUmp the other day. I took a pictUre, while it was in the air. 754 01:12:11,243 --> 01:12:13,620 Picture weighed 13 and a half poUnds! 755 01:12:14,663 --> 01:12:16,998 I really don't like this gUy 756 01:12:25,507 --> 01:12:27,676 Forward all engines. 757 01:12:45,861 --> 01:12:48,488 Come on, jUst pay attention to what you're doing. 758 01:12:54,911 --> 01:12:57,163 All ahead full. 759 01:13:01,251 --> 01:13:03,003 Let him go - no 760 01:13:03,253 --> 01:13:06,381 We've caUght ourselves a Moby Dick 761 01:13:07,257 --> 01:13:09,426 God damn, we're going with him! 762 01:13:16,850 --> 01:13:21,479 And yoU haven't seen yoUr family in 2 years? - No, but I'm not complaining. DUty calls. 763 01:13:22,480 --> 01:13:25,984 General? - What? - How long do yoU think the national emergency 764 01:13:26,067 --> 01:13:29,029 will reUire the services of Pvt. Lyle here, Sir? 765 01:13:30,030 --> 01:13:32,741 I don't know. - He hasn't seen his family in ? years. 766 01:13:32,991 --> 01:13:39,289 J .J., that is not nice. Truly isn't. - A General's work is never done. 767 01:13:39,998 --> 01:13:44,002 Private. - Yes, Sir. - I've checked the Geiger coUnter 768 01:13:44,669 --> 01:13:49,758 and the radioactivity seems to be dropping. I don't think we need yoUr services anymore. 769 01:13:50,258 --> 01:13:52,761 Yes, Sir. - PUII over. - Yes, Sir. 770 01:14:14,658 --> 01:14:18,078 Pvt. Lyle, you've rendered a great service to this coUntry. 771 01:14:18,536 --> 01:14:22,165 You make me proud to be in the same army with a man with your character. 772 01:14:23,750 --> 01:14:26,753 I'd like to present yoU with the Congressional Medal of Honor. 773 01:14:28,880 --> 01:14:33,176 This Congressional Medal of Honor? - That Congressional Medal of Honor. 774 01:14:43,061 --> 01:14:45,397 That's French. - I know. 775 01:14:46,272 --> 01:14:49,526 General, for the last 20 years while I was working in the motor pool 776 01:14:49,609 --> 01:14:52,904 I always knew the Good Lord's gonna give me a chance to come on a special mission 777 01:14:52,988 --> 01:14:55,782 like this, to serve my coUntry. 778 01:15:08,878 --> 01:15:10,922 Bye, Lyle. 779 01:15:31,067 --> 01:15:34,029 And that's all you have to do, honey. - Boy, am I sick 780 01:15:34,237 --> 01:15:38,491 I ain't never gonna fly with yoU again! - Will yoU shut up and read the instructs 781 01:15:38,533 --> 01:15:41,411 and tell me what it says about landing this thing? 782 01:15:43,747 --> 01:15:47,000 It says: Iower the flaps. - Okay, then do it, puickly 783 01:15:47,125 --> 01:15:50,045 Where are they? - Under "F", you idiot! 784 01:15:50,253 --> 01:15:53,256 Well, let's see. There's a "T" for tabs. Is that any good? 785 01:15:53,298 --> 01:15:58,011 Fantastic! PUII it - Pull what? - Anything, dummy - Okay, Tony! 786 01:16:16,988 --> 01:16:20,283 To look sharp... 787 01:16:20,492 --> 01:16:23,244 To feel sharp... 788 01:16:23,411 --> 01:16:25,830 I like this song so much, I bought the company. 789 01:16:30,001 --> 01:16:33,338 I don't know why everybody makes such a big deal about flying. It's a piece of cake. 790 01:16:33,671 --> 01:16:38,134 This better work, Tony. I jUst called Don Don, and he's really mad. 791 01:16:39,177 --> 01:16:41,387 Caesar, Caesar... 792 01:16:42,013 --> 01:16:46,351 Simplicity is the hallmark of genius. This cannot miss. 793 01:16:46,976 --> 01:16:48,478 Yeah? 794 01:16:49,354 --> 01:16:51,981 Relax, alright? 795 01:16:56,361 --> 01:16:59,489 Damn ulcer's killing me. You got anything for it? 796 01:17:00,657 --> 01:17:03,785 Charlotte rUsse. How delightfUI. 797 01:17:05,537 --> 01:17:10,083 Not exactly the Maxim's, but my compliments to the chef. 798 01:17:24,514 --> 01:17:26,516 A thousand pardons! 799 01:17:27,100 --> 01:17:33,022 I coUIdn't help noticing. Obviously yoU are a damsel in distress. 800 01:17:34,065 --> 01:17:39,529 May I be of service to yoU? I am the great Prince Abdul-ben Falafel, 801 01:17:39,821 --> 01:17:43,408 master of all deserts, Prince of princes, 802 01:17:44,242 --> 01:17:47,245 and one of the world's biggest.. . - Yoyos. 803 01:17:47,495 --> 01:17:50,165 How dare you put a gUn to my head! 804 01:17:53,168 --> 01:17:56,588 As I was saying, do yoU come here often? 805 01:18:01,926 --> 01:18:05,430 I wish you gUys woUId have seen us change in the bathroom , making this decision. 806 01:18:05,513 --> 01:18:09,976 Know, what she wanted to do? To pUt the nun's habit on and the shorts Underneath. 807 01:18:10,727 --> 01:18:13,313 And she thoUght yoU wouldn't notice. - I will notice. 808 01:18:13,563 --> 01:18:17,734 Well, I jUst didn't want you to be upset when yoU found out I wasn't a nUn. 809 01:18:19,319 --> 01:18:21,988 You're not? 810 01:18:23,740 --> 01:18:28,328 I'm not even a Catholic. - Well, nobody's perfect. 811 01:18:30,538 --> 01:18:33,750 May I? - Oh, I been waitin' for this. 812 01:18:46,763 --> 01:18:49,891 SUre hate to give the chaUffeUr a ticket. - Yeah, it's always the jerk in back 813 01:18:50,016 --> 01:18:52,894 giving the orders. - Yeah. 814 01:18:55,605 --> 01:18:57,357 Pardon me, Sir, we're... 815 01:19:05,823 --> 01:19:09,244 You know what that is, back there? - Damn right It's a chimp 816 01:19:09,869 --> 01:19:13,748 Listen to me. See that dark glass? Don't look! 817 01:19:14,249 --> 01:19:16,918 You know who's behind that glass filming Us? 818 01:19:17,126 --> 01:19:19,754 Allen FUnt. We're on "Candid Camera"! 819 01:19:20,004 --> 01:19:22,257 Come on, it's our chance! Come on! 820 01:19:23,549 --> 01:19:26,386 Stand right here so they can see yoU. Stand right here. 821 01:19:27,762 --> 01:19:30,014 Pardon me, Sir. I'd like to see yoUr Iicense... 822 01:19:35,561 --> 01:19:39,148 Oh God, I wonder what the penalty is for assaulting a police officer. 823 01:19:39,857 --> 01:19:42,610 He's not gonna make a monkey oUt of me! 824 01:19:43,653 --> 01:19:45,571 You're okay? Don't make him mad! 825 01:19:51,577 --> 01:19:55,748 I'm gonna say hello to my mom. I just wondered if I coUId say hello to my mother? 826 01:20:01,045 --> 01:20:04,340 This is working great. Let's go sing. Come on, before they go. 827 01:20:05,425 --> 01:20:10,555 By the light of the silvery moon... 828 01:20:12,015 --> 01:20:14,309 Let's get the hell oUtta here 829 01:20:16,060 --> 01:20:20,481 Hey, Mr. FUnt! Aren't we sUpposed to sign a release? - Oh, shUt Up 830 01:20:25,778 --> 01:20:29,407 Oh, listen Look! Hold it Look, Cannonballers ahead of us! 831 01:20:39,083 --> 01:20:41,252 Alright, what the hell happened? 832 01:20:41,502 --> 01:20:46,758 Hm, Sir. I was eating my dessert when sUddenly I saw one of the cat people. 833 01:20:47,133 --> 01:20:49,635 BeaUtifUI body was.. . - Now, we have a slight problem. 834 01:20:50,136 --> 01:20:53,389 Two hoods. They parted with the Sheik and the money. 835 01:20:53,639 --> 01:20:57,101 How that happen? - She was hitchhiking in a Ieopard coat and as we approached 836 01:20:57,268 --> 01:20:59,771 she flashed and we stopped. 837 01:21:05,902 --> 01:21:09,155 He's right. Who else knew the million was in the Sheik's trunk? 838 01:21:19,248 --> 01:21:23,753 I think yoU two guys have got something to tell Us, right? - Right. 839 01:21:26,506 --> 01:21:29,258 J .J, let me explain to you as briefly as I can. 840 01:21:29,675 --> 01:21:34,555 Here's what happened. We owed the guys in Vegas a little chUmp change. nothing really. 841 01:21:34,806 --> 01:21:37,725 So they sent down some torpedoes to collect. 842 01:21:39,602 --> 01:21:43,648 And yoU told 'em aboUt the Sheik. - It was tell 'em or else. 843 01:21:43,981 --> 01:21:48,111 Who were these guys? - The Cannelloni family from Las Vegas. 844 01:21:48,236 --> 01:21:52,031 Well, hell. Let's jUst go get these gUys. - We can't jUst go get these gUys 845 01:21:52,156 --> 01:21:56,744 Why? - They hold up at the Pinto Ranch, and that's gUarded like Fort Knox. 846 01:21:56,786 --> 01:21:59,372 Wait a minute. Maybe "him" can get throUgh. 847 01:21:59,580 --> 01:22:04,085 Maybe "him" can get "himself" killed and take yoU with "him". 848 01:22:04,794 --> 01:22:08,423 "Him" is open for other suggestions. - What's happening? What's going on here? 849 01:22:08,840 --> 01:22:14,679 Gaped at her naked body glistening in the hot sun and her sweet sweat rolling down... 850 01:22:15,304 --> 01:22:18,808 Hey, wait a minUte. We'll go to the King. 851 01:22:19,267 --> 01:22:21,644 No, no. The Sheik's father hates him. 852 01:22:22,061 --> 01:22:25,982 Hey, he's not the only king. We have royalty in this country, too. 853 01:22:26,858 --> 01:22:29,110 He'll see yoU gUys. 854 01:22:42,248 --> 01:22:44,417 Sit on this. 855 01:22:46,335 --> 01:22:51,007 How did you enjoy the Halloween party? - What a gUy he is. - What a gUy 856 01:22:52,258 --> 01:22:57,138 Alright. How much this time? - Frank, you know. It's never for oUrselves. 857 01:22:59,515 --> 01:23:03,060 Not this time, Frank. - And who asked you to sit down? Get up! 858 01:23:06,564 --> 01:23:08,816 Mr. Sinatra. .. - YoU may call me Frank. 859 01:23:09,525 --> 01:23:12,236 I can call him Frank. - Not yet. 860 01:23:12,403 --> 01:23:15,865 I'll let yoU know when you can. Not exactly now, bUt I'll let yoU know. 861 01:23:15,990 --> 01:23:18,409 What can I call you? - Call me Sir. 862 01:23:19,368 --> 01:23:25,041 Call him Sir. - I got it. Sir... We are Cannonballers. 863 01:23:25,666 --> 01:23:27,835 What? - Cannonballers. 864 01:23:29,378 --> 01:23:31,339 Oh, wait a minUte... 865 01:23:31,756 --> 01:23:34,258 I've been lonely as mUch as you have, from time to time. 866 01:23:34,884 --> 01:23:39,263 Come on. - That's a hot one, YoUr Majesty. Sir. 867 01:23:40,097 --> 01:23:43,267 You see, the Cannonball is a race from California to ConnecticUt. 868 01:23:43,351 --> 01:23:46,979 We have lots of fun. BUt the Sheik... - Sheik? - Yes. 869 01:23:47,230 --> 01:23:50,650 With the blue Rolls Royce. - Who is he? Did I ever sing for him in London, you think? 870 01:23:50,816 --> 01:23:53,486 We can't even pronoUnce his name. You see, they kidnapped him 871 01:23:53,569 --> 01:23:57,031 and they took $1 million out of the trunk of his car. That's why we came to you. 872 01:23:57,782 --> 01:24:02,161 Why come to me? Why don't you go to the FBI? - Who taUght the FBI? 873 01:24:05,581 --> 01:24:08,084 Okay, alright. Who snatched him? 874 01:24:08,417 --> 01:24:10,628 Oh, the Cannellonis. 875 01:24:13,089 --> 01:24:15,007 I got an idea. 876 01:24:15,132 --> 01:24:19,136 I got a trio that I use in my act and this bum's been trying to steal it for months. 877 01:24:22,431 --> 01:24:24,767 Dorothy, get me Don Don. 878 01:24:28,062 --> 01:24:31,566 They mUst be terrific for Frank to recommend them personally. 879 01:24:31,732 --> 01:24:35,653 I gUarantee yoU have never seen anything like this in yoUr whole... 880 01:24:35,778 --> 01:24:38,406 I'm not saying this, jUst becaUse I'm their agent. 881 01:24:38,739 --> 01:24:43,119 You know, I jUst love auditioning new talent. I get all excited. 882 01:25:18,070 --> 01:25:21,866 Come on, what's the matter? - They are a little short on looks. 883 01:25:22,074 --> 01:25:25,661 BUt didn't you notice the nice Unison? The way they dance? 884 01:25:41,594 --> 01:25:43,638 They're fabUIoUs. 885 01:26:13,292 --> 01:26:16,921 Frank ain't no dummy. I can't sing... 886 01:26:17,046 --> 01:26:20,758 ...bUt even I can follow that act. 887 01:26:25,012 --> 01:26:26,681 Thank you. 888 01:26:35,231 --> 01:26:37,650 Girls, you're hired You're hired, girls YoU're hired! 889 01:26:38,109 --> 01:26:42,154 You all have life... lifetime contracts here at the Pinto Ranch. 890 01:26:42,488 --> 01:26:45,241 I'll jUst have to move some place else... now, girls! 891 01:26:45,616 --> 01:26:49,745 Lovely. Go to your dressing rooms and powder your noses. .. a lot! 892 01:26:49,995 --> 01:26:53,416 AbsolUtely wondertUI. Frank certainly knows his stuff! Just wonderfUI. 893 01:26:58,170 --> 01:27:00,506 Bad news. 894 01:27:16,814 --> 01:27:20,985 Oh, girls. How do yoU spell Laverne? Is that one word or two? - Two. - Three. 895 01:27:22,153 --> 01:27:24,238 Oh, Hymie, what a pleasant sUrprise 896 01:27:30,494 --> 01:27:33,038 Uh, what a pleasant surprise... 897 01:27:33,414 --> 01:27:37,835 Hey I said I'd be here in ?4 hoUrs. Therefore... 898 01:27:38,335 --> 01:27:43,007 ...it ain't no sUrprise. And it ain't gonna be pleasant either. May I? 899 01:27:45,426 --> 01:27:47,344 Oh my God... 900 01:28:00,733 --> 01:28:04,236 What are these three bow-wows? - It's oUr new lounge act. 901 01:28:04,320 --> 01:28:08,240 What do they do? Scare the audience to death?... That's fUnny! 902 01:28:10,326 --> 01:28:12,536 Mr. Hymie? 903 01:28:14,413 --> 01:28:17,583 You girls ever hear of nair? - We're working on it. - Huh? 904 01:28:18,125 --> 01:28:20,628 Our doctor has Us on hormones. 905 01:28:21,545 --> 01:28:25,508 Well, I sUggest you go for a second opinion, because I think he's over-prescribing. 906 01:28:26,258 --> 01:28:28,803 Hi, I'm Laverne. 907 01:28:35,518 --> 01:28:37,978 Get me those hormones. 908 01:28:39,522 --> 01:28:42,525 Alright, Dumb-Dumb. Where's my nine Iarge? 909 01:28:45,236 --> 01:28:48,614 One million dollars, Hymie. And the rest is in escrow 910 01:28:48,739 --> 01:28:51,784 in a bank in downtown Las Vegas. 911 01:28:52,034 --> 01:28:56,163 I'm gonna consider this interest only, alright? 912 01:28:57,414 --> 01:29:03,796 Now, you have the principal by tomorrow, or yoU'll be under downtown Las Vegas. 913 01:29:06,423 --> 01:29:10,261 Girls... So long. - Bye, Mr. Hymie. 914 01:29:12,763 --> 01:29:15,724 Excuse me... You have a Ladies' restroom? 915 01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:19,270 Yes, it says "Cowgirls". It's the second door on the left. - On the left. 916 01:29:19,478 --> 01:29:24,066 Now, this is a lifetime contract, as I said . I presume they'll have their own wardrobe? 917 01:29:28,487 --> 01:29:30,573 Tits up! - Alright. 918 01:29:33,742 --> 01:29:37,872 Mr. Hymie! - That Laverne comes near me, waste her 919 01:29:40,249 --> 01:29:43,377 We were jUst wondering if yoU could give us a little advice on our careers. 920 01:29:43,586 --> 01:29:46,297 Oh, yeah! Get oUt of show business. 921 01:29:47,131 --> 01:29:48,674 Now 922 01:29:51,510 --> 01:29:54,263 We got the money! 923 01:29:54,763 --> 01:29:57,141 Hide Somebody's coming 924 01:30:07,526 --> 01:30:11,405 Your purses. - Oh, good. We got the money - Oh, let's go - No, no! 925 01:30:12,031 --> 01:30:15,576 We gotta safe the Sheik - Come on. - AIright. 926 01:30:19,747 --> 01:30:24,668 Hi, I was wondering if yoU gentlemen will be kind enough to help me with my lUggage? 927 01:30:27,379 --> 01:30:29,798 Man, those three broads got a case of the uglies. 928 01:30:29,882 --> 01:30:32,301 Let the boss not hear you say that. 929 01:30:36,138 --> 01:30:39,350 It's tortUre, I tell you. TortUre! Please. Please! 930 01:30:39,475 --> 01:30:42,144 Hey, it's got a lock on it. - Break it down. - Come on. 931 01:30:42,811 --> 01:30:45,481 Ladies, at one, two, three 932 01:30:48,776 --> 01:30:52,363 More Ladies My beauties, you must wait your turn. 933 01:30:52,488 --> 01:30:54,823 There is only so mUch water in the foUntain. 934 01:30:55,532 --> 01:30:59,995 Sheik, it's Us - We're not girls - How dare yoU? 935 01:31:00,037 --> 01:31:03,248 It is oUt of the Uestion! Allah will only forgive so mUch! 936 01:31:03,374 --> 01:31:07,252 Hey Abdul, pUt your slipper's on. Let's get oUtta here. - I don't want to go 937 01:31:08,087 --> 01:31:11,757 I've tried everything, bUt.. . - Get me out of this. - This is something. 938 01:31:11,840 --> 01:31:15,052 Can I take this with me? - Okay with me. Come, tickle 939 01:31:16,887 --> 01:31:21,850 I'm terribly sorry. - Now, listen to me. If these three uglies get away with my million 940 01:31:22,351 --> 01:31:26,313 DUmb-DUmb, then yoUr father's gonna owe me a big favor. You know why? 941 01:31:26,480 --> 01:31:29,483 No. - Because I'm gonna kill yoU. And then... 942 01:31:29,775 --> 01:31:32,361 ...he's gonna kill yoU . And then he's gonna kill you. 943 01:31:32,611 --> 01:31:35,823 And then he's gonna kill you - Charmed. There's no need to worry, Hymie. 944 01:31:35,990 --> 01:31:39,034 You see, they cannot escape. There's no way oUt of here. 945 01:31:39,118 --> 01:31:41,745 You are totally secUre 946 01:31:43,497 --> 01:31:46,250 However, I'm very shaky. 947 01:31:51,505 --> 01:31:54,425 Open - Oh, shit You got the key? 948 01:31:54,633 --> 01:31:58,178 Maybe. - You UngratefUI pUtz - Hold it! 949 01:32:04,393 --> 01:32:06,729 The three little pigs 950 01:32:15,320 --> 01:32:17,239 Get me somebody to hide behind! 951 01:32:20,617 --> 01:32:24,079 This is it, boys. Remember the rUIes... 952 01:32:24,747 --> 01:32:28,167 No rules - You heard him. AbsolUtely no rUIes 953 01:32:28,500 --> 01:32:32,254 I told yoU , there's nothing to worry about. There won't be any witnesses. 954 01:32:32,838 --> 01:32:35,090 No witnesses? 955 01:32:36,884 --> 01:32:39,344 J .J., they're all around Us. I... 956 01:33:02,159 --> 01:33:04,912 My money or yoUr life. - Money! 957 01:33:06,163 --> 01:33:08,999 He's got the money. - Ha... He's got the money. 958 01:33:10,667 --> 01:33:12,002 J .J. 959 01:33:17,549 --> 01:33:20,302 Hey, did you see that pictUre where the bad guys get their last reuest? 960 01:33:20,636 --> 01:33:24,098 Yeah. - Well, some time on the late show. - It was really a good movie. 961 01:33:25,766 --> 01:33:28,769 A last meal perhaps? You coUId Iay a little BBO on us. 962 01:33:28,894 --> 01:33:31,647 You know, something that yoU would go over the coals with? 963 01:33:32,314 --> 01:33:35,025 I'll have some Uiche. And a little chocolate mousse. 964 01:33:36,276 --> 01:33:39,071 Er, Shish kebab.. . No, no. CouscoUs. 965 01:33:40,030 --> 01:33:41,490 Friggin' chickasee? 966 01:33:43,242 --> 01:33:45,077 Chicken fricasse... 967 01:33:45,828 --> 01:33:48,163 And yoU? - I'd like a wine list. 968 01:33:50,040 --> 01:33:53,127 Where I'm sending you, baby, everything's on the menu. 969 01:34:12,146 --> 01:34:13,730 We're saved! 970 01:34:22,239 --> 01:34:24,241 Hey, reminds me of Brooklyn 971 01:34:30,664 --> 01:34:32,332 Hi there 972 01:34:40,757 --> 01:34:42,593 SUrprise 973 01:34:47,014 --> 01:34:48,765 You too! 974 01:34:50,642 --> 01:34:53,145 Any puestions, boys? 975 01:34:59,318 --> 01:35:02,070 Do yoU mind a personal remark? - No, of coUrse not! 976 01:35:02,237 --> 01:35:04,406 That is absolutely gorgeous! 977 01:35:06,408 --> 01:35:08,493 Hey, one's getting away! 978 01:35:10,829 --> 01:35:14,249 I got him. - I'll guard your back. Be carefUI and watch oUt 979 01:35:14,291 --> 01:35:16,627 No problem. I'll be right back 980 01:35:24,259 --> 01:35:26,929 You're okay? MUst be a pretty toUgh guy up there. 981 01:35:27,054 --> 01:35:29,765 Maybe I should take care of this one. - He's all yours. 982 01:35:34,144 --> 01:35:36,563 I think, he's over his head this time. 983 01:35:51,370 --> 01:35:54,873 Hey YoU look like an athlete. - Wow, thank you. I was an athlete. 984 01:35:54,998 --> 01:35:56,833 Oh yeah? - Yeah, I was... 985 01:35:58,043 --> 01:36:02,631 Oh, then you can probably handle yoUrself. - YoU're in danger. - I'll protect yoU , Sister. 986 01:36:03,507 --> 01:36:05,509 FoUr, five, six, seven... 987 01:36:06,927 --> 01:36:08,428 Next! 988 01:36:12,641 --> 01:36:15,852 Oh, don't do that to me again. This is just beaUtifUI! 989 01:36:15,978 --> 01:36:19,022 That's EUropean, isn't it? - But of course. - AbsolUtely stunning 990 01:36:19,731 --> 01:36:21,650 That's enough. That's enough 991 01:36:24,278 --> 01:36:26,488 A thousand thanks, Sisters - Bless yoU , my friend. 992 01:36:32,286 --> 01:36:34,121 Over there! Yeah! 993 01:36:34,246 --> 01:36:37,582 Come on, you brat. You pervert 994 01:36:37,833 --> 01:36:40,252 Hey, how do yoU like this for a hose job? 995 01:36:46,008 --> 01:36:48,260 Oh yeah? Salute! 996 01:36:49,678 --> 01:36:53,640 Hello, Chaos - Look J .J., a flower! Nice, hUh? 997 01:36:54,016 --> 01:36:55,726 See ya 998 01:36:57,227 --> 01:37:00,981 And I figured that 30,000 we owe yoU.. . This will more than take care of it. 999 01:37:02,399 --> 01:37:05,110 May I bUy you a drink? - Yes. - Cherie 1000 01:37:05,652 --> 01:37:08,780 Cherie!? I guess everyone.. . They seem to be so busy! 1001 01:37:13,535 --> 01:37:14,745 That was fUn, J.J .! 1002 01:37:18,248 --> 01:37:20,542 Get those guys! - YoU got it. 1003 01:37:21,126 --> 01:37:23,420 Fly, baby! Fly 1004 01:37:24,546 --> 01:37:28,008 Help is on the way JUstice will triumph 1005 01:37:30,886 --> 01:37:34,264 Sorry, bad guys! Carry on. 1006 01:37:34,890 --> 01:37:39,061 Raining like a son-of-a-bitch over there. You need any help here? - Yes. Inject that. 1007 01:37:39,227 --> 01:37:43,231 Fine. Oh, the plagUe I've seen this before... 1008 01:37:54,326 --> 01:37:58,246 No, Jackie J.J ... Cannonball... You got it 1009 01:38:10,258 --> 01:38:12,427 Friend or foe? - Have a guess 1010 01:38:15,263 --> 01:38:18,642 It's a bird. - It's a plane. - It's Hymie! 1011 01:38:27,484 --> 01:38:29,986 Would yoU hold this for me, please? I woUld like to really... 1012 01:38:30,070 --> 01:38:33,657 ...get a good look at that ring again. It's truly Iovely. 1013 01:38:38,078 --> 01:38:39,621 Oh my God... 1014 01:38:47,546 --> 01:38:49,840 Oh, look... 1015 01:38:50,257 --> 01:38:54,553 J .J., it's a vision. - No... No, it's us. 1016 01:38:59,599 --> 01:39:02,018 Oh, Sister Betty. 1017 01:39:02,477 --> 01:39:05,814 "Him" didn't know you had that in you. - "Him" will. 1018 01:39:06,982 --> 01:39:09,359 We're here to help you win 1019 01:39:09,860 --> 01:39:14,614 Did yoU miss me? - So much. .. - Oh thanks. A little more than that? 1020 01:39:15,240 --> 01:39:17,993 I'm glad you missed me that mUch! 1021 01:39:18,785 --> 01:39:20,996 All these wondertul gals 1022 01:39:22,497 --> 01:39:24,583 Fenderbaum! 1023 01:39:26,334 --> 01:39:29,004 Boy-nUn, boy-boy, boy-nun. 1024 01:39:32,340 --> 01:39:36,052 Fenderbaum! What are you doing with my partner? 1025 01:39:36,511 --> 01:39:38,346 Partner? - Partner? 1026 01:39:38,513 --> 01:39:42,142 Yes! I have boUght the Pinto Ranch 1027 01:39:42,559 --> 01:39:44,019 Yes! 1028 01:39:45,604 --> 01:39:49,149 And why not? I have a weakness for blondes... 1029 01:39:49,357 --> 01:39:52,235 ...and women withoUt mUstaches. 1030 01:39:54,488 --> 01:40:00,368 Before you do any hiring yoU tell your partner aboUt yoUr Iiabilities. 1031 01:40:00,494 --> 01:40:02,913 You know, yoU have a very big moUth! 1032 01:40:04,331 --> 01:40:06,583 My Sheik! - My partner! 1033 01:40:06,791 --> 01:40:10,086 My Sheik, I will need jUst a little operating capital. 1034 01:40:10,670 --> 01:40:12,422 How mUch? 1035 01:40:13,548 --> 01:40:17,135 Nine million dollars? - Nine million? 1036 01:40:17,385 --> 01:40:20,889 A drop in the well! I will give you 16 million. 1037 01:40:21,014 --> 01:40:25,060 That way you will have some petty cash - Thank you, my Sheik. Where are yoU going? 1038 01:40:25,727 --> 01:40:28,021 To win the race 1039 01:40:28,480 --> 01:40:32,734 To share in my good fortUne with my fellow Cannonballers 1040 01:40:32,984 --> 01:40:37,989 I have decided to raise the prize money to two million dollars 1041 01:40:39,783 --> 01:40:42,744 How many zeros is in that? - I don't know! 1042 01:40:43,870 --> 01:40:47,999 We'll split it three ways? -Yeah! - Come, my sweethearts, we go 1043 01:40:57,300 --> 01:40:59,302 Hey, FenderbaUm, Blake Come here a minUte 1044 01:41:00,011 --> 01:41:02,430 What is it, Frank? Can't yoU see we're busy? 1045 01:41:02,556 --> 01:41:06,226 I know that. That's why I want to get a head start. See you in ConnecticUt. 1046 01:42:02,741 --> 01:42:07,495 Oh, so sorry. You are average player. Please try again Iater. 1047 01:42:36,608 --> 01:42:40,528 You gotta have to stop this thing. I can't examine yoU with all this movin' aroUnd. 1048 01:42:40,612 --> 01:42:46,284 I can't stop! I can't stop! JUst keep me alive Until we reach Connecticut! 1049 01:42:55,168 --> 01:42:57,837 So much for Abdul... 1050 01:42:58,588 --> 01:43:02,509 It's money in the bank, I tell you. A million bUcks! 1051 01:43:02,676 --> 01:43:05,553 The whole of a million bucks apiece! 1052 01:43:11,601 --> 01:43:15,313 That's Frank. - Where'd he Iearn to drive like that? 1053 01:43:15,563 --> 01:43:17,899 I don't know, but don't let him pass Us! 1054 01:43:18,233 --> 01:43:20,735 FIoor it - It's floored! 1055 01:43:21,277 --> 01:43:24,322 Hi Frank, chicky-lover baby! Hi there 1056 01:43:24,489 --> 01:43:27,992 Remember me, FenderbaUm? Listen, whoever gets to the finish line first 1057 01:43:28,243 --> 01:43:30,495 we split it 50I50, okay? 1058 01:43:31,996 --> 01:43:33,373 70I30 1059 01:43:34,874 --> 01:43:37,377 How aboUt 10o!o? 1060 01:43:37,877 --> 01:43:39,295 Forget it. 1061 01:44:02,986 --> 01:44:05,780 Forget it, guys! You're four hoUrs and 15 martinis late 1062 01:44:05,864 --> 01:44:08,992 Better go in the bar and get gassed Up, 'caUse you're racing back tomorrow... 1063 01:44:09,325 --> 01:44:13,163 ...at noon - Park it. I'll see you in the bar. 1064 01:44:13,997 --> 01:44:17,333 Thanks. We'll leave tomorrow and we'll be back in foUr days. 1065 01:44:17,584 --> 01:44:21,379 Then Atlantic City and a weekend yoU'll never forget. 1066 01:44:21,504 --> 01:44:25,049 Once again yoU have brought shame and disgrace to our tribe 1067 01:44:25,175 --> 01:44:29,262 by not winning the Cannonball RUn. - But Pop, there was this doctor in the car. 1068 01:44:29,387 --> 01:44:31,890 He gave me a. .. It was kismet. - I warn yoU! 1069 01:44:32,140 --> 01:44:35,268 Tomorrow's race is the last Cannonball I am financing. 1070 01:44:35,393 --> 01:44:37,979 If you do not win, do not bother to come home. 1071 01:44:38,062 --> 01:44:40,815 Pop, don't worry. I can't lose 1072 01:44:41,024 --> 01:44:45,862 I have hired the winner of this Cannonball to be my co-driver in the next one. 1073 01:44:46,237 --> 01:44:50,241 I'd like you to meet him. I have told him so mUch aboUt yoU , Pop. 1074 01:44:53,495 --> 01:44:57,540 Excuse me, Sir. I'd like you to meet my Pop 1075 01:45:16,059 --> 01:45:19,896 The Cannonball is a race from California to ConnecticUt. We have Iots of fUn. 1076 01:45:19,979 --> 01:45:23,066 And then. .. The Sheik... What they... 1077 01:45:23,733 --> 01:45:26,611 I can get this. Just a minUte. I can do it. Wait a minute. 1078 01:45:27,070 --> 01:45:29,739 And... - We'll start from the slap. - From the slap? 1079 01:45:30,323 --> 01:45:32,367 Sir! Er... 1080 01:45:35,829 --> 01:45:38,540 JUst pick it up right from the slap. 1081 01:45:40,041 --> 01:45:41,793 Sir! 1082 01:45:41,876 --> 01:45:45,922 Sorry, we get this in a minUte. It's alright. We get it. Here we go. 1083 01:45:46,297 --> 01:45:49,092 Oh, Sir The Cannonball is a race 1084 01:45:49,092 --> 01:45:51,261 from Connecticut to your ass. 1085 01:46:05,733 --> 01:46:08,987 Now, if yoUr mother could kiss like that... 1086 01:46:09,320 --> 01:46:12,115 We're just gonna place it. Ready? HUh? 1087 01:46:14,617 --> 01:46:17,078 Is that what yoU want? YoU got it. 1088 01:46:17,245 --> 01:46:21,249 Okay? - I don't trUst yoU. - No, yoU got it, I swear. I'm just gonna place it. 1089 01:46:24,168 --> 01:46:27,338 Oh shit, if I wasn't getting a lot of money... 1090 01:46:28,131 --> 01:46:31,384 Don't get it from the groUnd . - Where might I gonna get it from? 1091 01:46:31,509 --> 01:46:34,262 Get it from here. This is fresh. 1092 01:46:34,679 --> 01:46:37,765 There'll be a moUnd here. - I got fresh stuff here. 1093 01:46:37,849 --> 01:46:41,769 Nobody's ever peed on this. I'm jUst gonna place it. 1094 01:46:45,607 --> 01:46:48,318 How animals live on this shit? 1095 01:47:10,298 --> 01:47:14,385 Listen, if we have these nUns God will be oUr co-pilot. 1096 01:47:14,761 --> 01:47:17,931 I don't care. YoU listen to me. Listen to me. 1097 01:47:20,767 --> 01:47:23,061 We're not taking those nuns along. 1098 01:47:26,064 --> 01:47:29,025 What is the matter with yoU? I can't work like this 1099 01:47:30,777 --> 01:47:35,239 She's winking at me. - Hold there. - She's to wave. 1100 01:47:35,281 --> 01:47:40,745 Alright. - I have no protection. She is... Godammit... - Pick it Up. 1101 01:47:41,621 --> 01:47:45,416 Lepers? New York? - No: "Lepers? Big Apple?" 1102 01:47:46,626 --> 01:47:49,379 I order yoU... 1103 01:47:52,840 --> 01:47:56,636 J .J. Long time no see. - Captain Chaos, nice to see yoU again. 1104 01:47:58,137 --> 01:48:00,765 Would yoU do it again? - Yeah, certainly. - Here we go. 1105 01:48:07,647 --> 01:48:10,274 Keep it rollin'. Here we go. 1106 01:48:14,529 --> 01:48:17,740 J .J. - Captain Chaos! - Long time no see. - Good to see you again. 1107 01:48:17,865 --> 01:48:21,244 Good to see you - Listen, I'd deem it a personal pruverage... privilege, 1108 01:48:21,369 --> 01:48:25,248 if I can get in that bomb and get my teeth fixed. TUrn around, let's start again. 1109 01:48:28,543 --> 01:48:32,171 J .J. - Captain Chaos. - Long time no see. - Good to see you again. 1110 01:48:32,839 --> 01:48:35,675 I'd deem it a privilege you let me ride in the bomb. 1111 01:48:36,175 --> 01:48:39,637 Did yoU understand that at all? JUst tUrn aroUnd and let me do it again.